It's just a dip in the roller coaster.

It hasn't been a month, but I'm ready to post again. Hope you don't mind. :)

When I looked back at my (few and far between) posts, I noticed I was going through a spiritual high earlier this summer. God was rocking my life and it was awesome! I was really thinking through some things in my life and calling myself out on things.

Man, that seems like forever ago.

My spiritual life, like many others, is best characterized as a roller coaster. I'm high at some points, and then I drop low with a plummet that makes my stomach lurch (we're talking the really scary roller coasters, not the fun ones.)

The thing that kinda separates me (in not a good way) is that I'm easily affected by the events around me. Depending on who I spend the weekend with/what I've done with my evenings and the little things surrounding those events, I could be high or I could be low on a smaller scale within that general trend.

In the spirit of vulnerability, I'm kinda low right now. I know what I need to do (get in the Word more and really seek Christ), and I'm working my way there. But for now, I'm low. Blame it on the busyness of life or any other excuse you want, but the truth is I haven't made my God a priority like I should. I need to be better about guarding my time with Him.

I went to a missions conference 2 weekends ago, and it got me excited about missions again - I hadn't realized that my passion was waning. My direction hadn't changed, but my vigor in pursuing it had. I loved Revelation 7:9 "After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb."

Every nation, tribe, people and language!!! Can you imagine?!?! All crying out in one voice, "Glory to God who reigns on high!!"

And if that didn't rock my world enough, God gave me just a tiny little taste of it on Thursday at Anthem. I wish you could have been there, in the top row of the balcony in Cornerstone's auditorium. 1,200+ people crammed into the room, every single hand stretched out and giving God glory by singing, "With one voice we shout Your praise, Holy holy be Your name, glorified and lifted high, we long to bring You praise!" 2,400 hands!

I wish I could say I was belting it out with them. I wish I could say I had hands outstretched before me. But all I could do was sit and weep in the back row, blessed beyond belief by a church body that is so sold out for Christ, grateful that God would give me such a small glimpse into what heaven is going to be like.

If that doesn't give you a renewed fervor to pursue Christ and have joy regardless of the circumstances around you, I don't know what will. I'm on my way back up.

Also, it's amazing how a simple verse that you've heard all your life can bring you to your knees. 2 Corinthians 5:21 "God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God."

What do you do when you're dipping low in the roller coaster of life?

Ah reunions....

Why, hello!! Remember me?! Oh, you don't? Hm...well, I suppose I can't blame you. I've gotten particularly good at saying, "We should definitely get together!" (write a blog) and then totally fail at any attempt to reconnect, whether it's for lack of material or motivation.

Well, get ready for a purge of epic proportions. (Maybe.) Holy crap, it's been forever since I blogged...

It's been 2 months in the duplex, and I'm still, as Paige refers to it as, "nesting". I very much associate this phrase with being pregnant and preparing the nursery, and since I have not been with a man nor received any divine message from God (as I'm pretty sure there's just one Messiah, not two to come), there is certainly no bun in the oven. Whatever you want to call it (anything but "nesting"), it's been fun.

Trim has been painted (while on steroids, which are incredible, by the way. No wonder athletes take it!), cabinets have been organized, basements have been deflooded, mold has been removed, furniture has been arranged... it definitely feels like home now.

So besides making my home feel like my home and working, what have I been up to that has kept me so busy and away from you all?

Taxes.

I know it's not tax season yet, but it's quickly approaching, and soon I will be sitting behind a desk either delivering delightful news that the government garnished more than they should have and you get to pay off credit cards from Christmas shopping or breaking the devastating news that you claimed far more exemptions than you should have and unfortunately, you owe quite a sum. Can't wait, really.

I have to admit though, I am a bit of a tax nerd. It's like a puzzle really, and if you fit just the right pieces together, something marvelous can come of it (i.e. money!). I've enjoyed doing them thus far, but part of that may be that when the information is presented to me, it's all nice and organized within 2 or 3 pages of my textbook, and it's not all mashed into a shoebox where possible tax deductible receipts and paystubs have resided for the year.

Well, it's time to close, for now. Just like you shouldn't feed a buffet to a starving man (his body can't handle the mass quantities of food that he's not used to), I will refrain from delivering every juicy detail from the past 2 months. I'll be back though. With pictures. =D

Flood of '10

"Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Literally." -Katie

Tis true. Ames had (last I heard) 8 water main breaks and water levels plummeted to dangerous levels. We're advised to not flush the toilets, take less than 5 minute showers, not do laundry, and boil water if we want to wash dishes, cook, drink, and any other necessary water uses.

It's shocking how priorities change when you don't have clean drinking water. I have given up trying to drink half my body weight in ounces, I have showered far less than I am comfortable with, and I feel horrible about pouring water out of my pasta after it's been cooked.

I was asked to help move a friend out of her flooded apartment this morning. I had already made plans, but I begrudgingly thought, "Fiiine. I'll go be a good Christian...." (totally contradicting what a good Christian should do?) As I rode my bike there, I passed a church that was passing out free water.

Uh oh...

It seems absurd to me to be battling over whether or not I should stop for free water. I rode my bike in circles for at least a minute trying to decide whether I should bail on the friend for free water (clean water!) or whether I should keep moving forward. I'm so THIRSTY!!! And it's 3 gallons!! That's a lot of water!

I ended up leaving the free (clean) water, crashed my bike on the way to the friend's, and once I got there, found out they had already finished moving her. Soooo....I went back and got the water. Win win win. Except for the bloody knee. THAT I WASHED WITH THE FREE CLEAN WATER!!!

So much to do!

It's been just under a week since we moved in, and I'm LOVING it so far! It's a place of my own! My living room, my kitchen, my bedroom, my bathroom!!! And Emma's, of course...

So far, we've:
-thoroughly cleaned all the kitchen cabinets and walls and doorways (my rag was DIRTY!! Gross!)
-got our kitchen unpacked and set up, complete with a pantry for our food since cabinet space is limited.
-finally arranged our furniture in the living room (not permanent, but works until we get another couch - we've got so much room!!)
-scrubbed. the. crap. outta. the. shower. Holy cow, it was bad. And holy cow, it's clean now.
-mowed TWICE and raked up the 1 1/2 inches of dead grass that covered the top (the last tenants were kind enough to NOT mow the previous 2-3 weeks before they moved out)
-seized the mower engine because the grass was so wicked long and it was low on oil (mowers need oil?!)
-set up our internet!
-subsequently broke said internet within 5 minutes
-called and got it fixed for sure. High speed internets, here we come!

It doesn't seem like much, I know. But I've given up most of my evening activities just to get stuff done! (I only have 4 hours to work with since I try to start getting ready for bed at 8:30)

Things we still need to do:
-repaint all the trim and doors and cabinets in kitchen and bathroom (surprisingly, yellow white and true white do not go together...hmm...)
-repaint my furniture (got my paint, just need to get on it...hopefully tonight)
-organize my room - I'm still in shambles because I have no furniture yet!
-paint the kitchen! We're thinking burnt orange...it'd be a nice contrast to the white cabinets, stove, and fridge.
-paint my room - some shade of light grey I think... I don't have a whole lot of confidence in my color palate choices, especially after my run in with dark grey/navy fiasco. BTW, they did let me exchange the paint, contrary to their policy on returning tinted paint. I think it was the fact that I went well over 100 miles out of my way to find a single quart of paint. Ridiculous.
-find a color scheme for the awesome living room we have
-create my frame-art. I've got this wicked awesome idea for wall decor. Pictures WILL come
-figure out curtains for our living room - the slat blinds are NOT going to cut it.

So much to do, but so much potential!! Way excited about this!

Moving!

In 2 days...I'll be in a duplex!!! Address change AGAIN!! At least this time, I'll be around for longer than a year. Depending on how things go, possibly two!

I am so excited about moving! (Again) I feel like I've become a pro at it, and with all the practice I'm going to get this weekend (moving 3 people at least), it'll be a breeze! I'm nearly packed as it is (took only a few hours - I don't have much, other than books).

I have a (million? no. a ton? no.) bunch of ideas on decorating, and I'm pumped to exercise my creative mind, pending the approval of our landlord. I plan on documenting my progress with pictures - the good, the bad, and the downright awful, tho I'm sure those will be much harder to admit to having done.

First project: my dresser, desk, and bookshelf. No pictures yet (want before AND afters), but I've already caught a snag. My colors in my room are grey(various shades), black, and olive green. Classy! :) HOWEVER. I painted all three, finally brought them into my room (i.e. into the light) and realized it's more of a navy than a dark grey. D: Nice color, really, but NOT what I want. I'm considering bringing in one of my drawers to show them - the color is close, it's just got too much of a blue hue. Psh. Last time I trust a new paint guy...

Finished product to come...

(Ps, TERRIBLE idea to bring a whole sleeve of ritz crackers for lunch to make little sandwiches. MUCH better idea to portion out the crackers. I ate the whole sleeve. D: )

Desperate Prayer

God, I am SO bad at remembering that it's not about me. I am so bad about thinking that my life is about my needs and what I'm missing out on and why I'm feeling this particular way. I completely miss out on what You have me here for and why I was created.

It's not to be a wife. It's not to be girlfriend. It's not to be a good friend. Its not about being pretty or in shape or funny or gifted. It's not about looking good because of some charity I did or sounding wise because I happened to say the right thing at the right time. These things may come about as a result of living out my purpose, but they are not the reason I was created.

It's all for You, Lord. It is all for You!! Everything You have done, everything You have created, it is all to bring glory to Your name! Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades, never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame, and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise.

You are the only One that can satisfy me. You are the only One that can fulfill every need I have in my life. Lord, I want to be needed so much - so use me God. Use my gifts and my talents and my belongings. Give me opportunities to pour myself out for others, not for my sake, not for their sake, but for the sake of bringing glory to Your name. Lord, I don't want to be lonely anymore - so bring me people I can minister to. Give me people that I can pour my life into until there is nothing left of me, and then fill me up again so I can continue to be a blessing for Your name's sake. Lord, I want security - so stretch me and break me so I see no other way. Lord, you've brought me to this place before and came through and blessed my life so much - do it again! I ask as a small child delighting in her Father over something amazing that He did. So Abba, do it again!

Lord, You know my life is Yours. Thank you for waiting patiently for me to relinquish control over each area of my life, sometimes several times over. I forget easily of what I promised and why it's worth it, but Lord, I know You are. I know how smoothly life flows and how joyful I feel when I'm walking with You. I don't know why I stray, but thank You for forgiving me each time I do and welcoming me back with open arms.

God, I know You want to do big things through me. I don't know when or where or how, but Lord, please guide me and be with me. Jehovah Jirah, I know You will not leave my side. I know You desire to be with me and comfort me in ways I do not understand; God, I open my heart to You. Renew me. Change me. Make me more in tune with You. I know this means trials and tribulations are in store, but I rest on the truth that You will not place anything in my path that I cannot handle. I trust You with my life - I'd be silly not to.

I love You, Lord.

P90X

For the record....

Anyone who wants to keep track of what mess I'm getting myself into fitness-wise can visit my other blog at www.revampmyfitness.blogspot.com

I intentionally didn't share the last time someone asked because I hated (yes, hated) the previous link name. This is better, I think. No more bad connotations.

So laugh it up while you can. Because come August....pretty sure I'll be able to take you down.

I want an inciting event...

I haven't blogged in forever. I'm sorry. Things got away from me...

I stopped reading Ortberg's "The Me I Want to Be" in lieu of Donald Miller's "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" because everyone ranted and raved about it - I had to see for myself.

Love it. Seriously. I think he's dead on in way too many aspects that I am able to go into detail about. But seriously, you should read it. Cause Donald's kinda awesome.

He talks about memories a little later on in the book and why some are more memorable than others. I don't remember why because I haven't thought about this a lot because I just read it last night, but I really liked his explanation of it. (So go read it to find out for yourself!!!)

I want to make more memories. I want to break out of the norm and do something spontaneous that will linger in the recesses of my mind for no other reason for enjoyment and amusement when I look back in 5 years. I want to enjoy life and live it intentionally.

He also talks about conflict. I'll be brief, because I could go much deeper. We love movies where the characters are forced into conflict. They have to fight their way through and end up coming out of it on the other side a changed person. But in real life, we tend to avoid conflict; it's uncomfortable and it's often hard. Who wants that?! But that's what great life stories are made of! Facing conflict and moving forward!

So this got me thinking. I want my future someone (this is the husband we're talking about here) to do just that. I want to join him on his adventures and face our conflicts. I don't want life to be comfortable and easy. I want to embrace life, even when it gets difficult! And I want someone who will plunge headfirst into it - not because he's comfortable with conflict or because he knows what to expect, but because it's just a part of life and great stories (lives) come from facing those conflicts.

In the meantime, I'll chase my adventures by myself (or with friends, if they're willing). So. That being said.... anyone have any ideas? Cross country trip? Backpacking across the west? I'm P90X-ing it up for some major adventure. Please don't leave me hanging...

Have you ever longed to dance a dance you don't know the steps to, or to sing a song your heart does not know the words or melody to?

Lately, my heart has been so full, so bursting, that all I want to do is express my love in an outward form - to create something in honor of the one who fills me in every way.

I wish I knew how to write music or poetry or anything. I wish I wasn't so self conscience to the point where I cannot express myself and my love for God.
----
A friend was describing a girl he knew back in the day. Whoever she was with dictated what her personality and interests were. She formed to their personality and didn't possess her own.

When I look at my old relationships, I can see the same pattern. With Bryan, I liked the music he liked. With Paxton, I enjoyed and took on his taste in music and movies (with the exception of White Stripes). And even with guys that I was interested in, I conformed to their interests.

I know I've grown tremendously in the past 2 years since I turned my life over to God, but I still feel like I'm not entirely me yet. C.S. Lewis got me thinking:

Suppose a person know nothing about salt. You give him a pinch to taste and he experiences a particular strong sharp taste. You then tell him that in your country people use salt in all their cookery. Might he not reply 'in that case I suppose all your dishes taste exactly the same: because the taste of that stuff you have just given me is so strong that it will kill the taste of everything else.' But you and I know that the real effect of salt is exactly the opposite. So far from killing the taste of [food], it actually brings them out. They do not show their real taste till you have added the salt... it is something like that with Christ and us. The more we get what we now call "ourselves" out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become" (189-190)
Mere Christianity

I love that concept! That the more I pursue God and seek Him, the more me I will become. I've thought about that idea since I finished Mere Christianity a year and a half ago, but it hasn't gone further than that. It seems very desirable, but so hard. Something that I'm not sure I'm capable.

And I'm right. I cannot.

John Ortberg's new book The Me I Want to Be goes more in depth into that concept. I cannot do it - God works in me and through me instead.

People think it is our job to bridge the gab by our effort. But we can't. This gap, too, can only be bridged by grace. Self-improvement is no more God's plan than self-salvation. God's plan is not just for us to be saved by grace - it is for us to live by grace.

Love it. And if that wasn't enough...

Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of a wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb,
and avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become.
Brooke Fraser, C.S. Lewis Song

I'm not who I was made to be. I was created to be something so much more, and I long to be there.

I don't think I will ever be able to enough praise to the Ultimate Creator, my God. I'm baffled that He's satisfied with my clumsy dance steps and inferior praise. But until eternity, it's all I can offer.

5 minutes!!

Fast blog because I NEED to go to bed.

IMB called. They want me.

Too soon though. I can't do next summer.

London has a need for a JMan and I want to be that person!

But I cannot because of my job and loans.

Finally worked up the nerve to talk to my boss.

Instead of hoping that I'd stay 4 years like he said before...

He's now saying 2's fine.

Beginning of 2012!!!! London!!!!! (All Lord willing, of course)

Friends and Family are AWESOME in providing encouragement and prayer!

Many bible verses were given to help calm my racing mind and remind me to have patience.

• Proverbs 3:5-6
• Jeremiah 29:11
• Matthew 6:24-27

Just to name a few. God's good.

Jehovah Jireh. Why do I forget so easily?!

Sorry...

I know it's been forever. I apologize. I really sucked this past month.

However, a lot was happening, but at the same time, it was the same kind of thing over and over, so I didn't feel the need to blog, especially since I had emailed everyone I knew about what was going on. (Grandma's health)

In case you live under a rock or I didn't tell you (the latter is much more likely, so I apologize), Grandma Henderson fell and broke her femur. After the surgery, they discovered fluid on her lungs and her kidneys weren't functioning well. Post several MRI's and CAT scans, we discovered she had kidney cancer (again) that had metastasized to her bones (not good). It's stage 4 (terminal) and she's going to be in a ton of pain until she dies. Upon her death, I honestly do not know where she would go, but I have a pretty good idea that it wouldn't heaven. So if I haven't asked you (and even if I have), please pray for her. I really want to have the comfort that she knows Christ and will be going to heaven.

In other news, I'm going to Florida in June! My old church is taking their high school there as a mission trip kind of thing and they needed more female leaders, so they asked me. Way cool!! However, this body is NOT going in a swimming suit IN Florida. So I've started exercising (shocking!) and eating much better. I'm hoping to lose 20 pounds? but we'll see. My old exercise blog is back up if you want to check that out for a laugh or two.

I'm hardly a walker, let alone a runner, so I'm taking it slow to begin with. I can't expect to run a 5K a week after I start running for the very first time. It's really not reasonable, and very few people would argue with this.

I kinda see this same idea/concept concerning prayer. (betcha didn't see that one coming...)

I didn't pray a lot before I started my prayer candle. In fact, it was pretty much limited to group settings where we all prayed and when someone had a specific prayer request (I'd pray right there if I remembered, but really, only that one time - I'm deeply sorry if you're one of the ones I never prayed for. I really regret not being there to intercede for you). I was very weak and my pray endurance muscles were atrophied. So when I started my prayer candle commitment, thinking that I could pray 30-45 minutes a day and work that thing down, it didn't take long to realize that I just don't have the 'muscles' to do that yet. I should, theoretically, be at 2/3's of my candle left - we'll just say that it's not.

Just like I need to start slow with running, I need to start slow with praying. My end goal IS to be able to pray that long and be a strong prayer warrior, but I'm so weak right now; I fall asleep, I get distracted, and I fantasize conversations that I had or will have (but probably not) in my head, always adding more witty lines that what I actually said (or ever could say). I'm learning how to pray over my distractions and talk to God on a basic level. I'm learning to look beneath my fantasies to the underlying condition of my heart. I'm learning to be more committed to praying for someone continually and how to keep a journal to keep track of who and what I've prayed for. But I've still got a long way before I can run my 5K.

So I will not be completing my goal of burning down my 70 hour candle before May. I'm still going to work at it, and I'm still motivated to get there because my life has been rocked in the awesomest way since I've started trying. But I know, realistically, I can't train for and be ready for a marathon in 3 months.

Oh Technology...

We've never been good friends; perhaps that's my fault. I've refused to get to know you at all. Quite frankly, you scare me. You require more knowledge than I possess or could even hope to understand. Nobody likes a complicated person; don't you know that?

I knew you were bitter against me, but I never thought you'd take your retribution on me with such great vehemence.

You smote my car!

You gave my ipod amnesia!

And there is a technological curse upon our office!

You're just plain mean. It's a cruel trick to wreak havoc on simpletons' lives just to watch and laugh maniacally while wringing your hands or perhaps petting a fluffy white cat (Technology=Dr. Claw?)

But I wanted you to know you haven't bested me.

I'm READY for repair costs thanks to the emergency fund I've built up over the past month.

I backed up my favoritest music last summer when my laptop threatened destruction (and accomplished said self-destruction AFTER my backup was complete) and will only lose maybe 2 or 3 "kinda want" artists. In fact, thank you for helping me finally clear out the music I don't mind but couldn't bear to rid of because of my indifference.

As for our office....well, we'll consider it this way.

Technology: 1 Danielle: 2

I win.

Down but not out

Another book down, and we're just over one week into March! Psh, this book thing is easy!

Last week was rough though. I was exhausted all week and had no motivation or energy to do anything. I could have (and maybe did a few times) cast blame on different activities that sucked my energy, but truth be told, I sucked. I stayed up late, accomplishing nothing (meaning no prayer time or Bible reading) and while I made use of my time, it was not a God-honoring use of my time. I need to seek Him more throughout the day, including mornings and evenings. God should not be reserved for a specific time slot of my day; I should be focusing and meditating on Him continually throughout.

Despite last week being pretty rough (by my own doing), I still feel closer with God and more at peace than I ever have. In the past, having a bad week like that may have gotten me down, and I would have given up; that's just how I dealt with failing God. But THANK GOD, His mercies are new every day!

I thought of a funny China story today:

During the last week of our trip, we visited the Great Wall. Beijing had just been hit with a blizzard of epic proportions (by Beijing standards, considering they didn't have shovels), and it was so cold! Before we made our trek up the mountain of stairs before us, we decided on brunch at Subway to warm ourselves up. When we entered, they had some awesome techno music going on, and being the attention-drawing Americans that we were, we started a 'rave' within Subway while waiting for our orders to be taken. Full out American dance party! It was so awesome! But the funny thing was, the Chinese Subway workers could care less about the scene that was in front of them; we were completely ignored! Mind you, we weren't dancing to draw attention; what better way is there to warm up than to bust a move? But honestly....if a bunch of foreigners came into your store and started dancing up a storm, you'd at the very least watch, wouldn't you?

Results of the first month?

Success!!

February 28th, and I've read 2 books (one more chapter and I'll have 3!), created a wall decor (which I'll post a picture of later), and have made some pretty good headway with Ephesians and my prayer candle and Bible readings!

It's exciting to see God move in when you decide to start intentionally living for His purposes! I am by NO MEANS even close to where I want to be, but God has blessed my baby steps along the way, and it's clear that this path is so much easier and joyful because it's HIS! No doubt, there will be rough times and months that may not turn out like February has, but in the long run, I have a feeling it will be so worth it!

I still need to work on submitting every area of my life over (the hardest part is my mornings...ugh) and using my time wisely, but I'm sure with practice, I'll get better and better.

It was hard to keep from dancing during worship on Saturday. :) I love being drenched in God's love and blessings!

But, oh, how easy it is to praise during times of abundant blessings...

God is faithful to reveal where I fall short and struggle

The past three mornings, I have heard BIRDS chirping outside my window! Very faint, and it doesn't last long, but I hear them!!!

Or, it's my delusional state, having been submersed in snow for so long.

So the getting-up-early thing isn't working out so hot. Maybe it's because I'm staying up too late the night prior and not ready to get up yet. But either way, it's not working. I need more discipline. Rrrr.

My leader's group on Monday prayer walked around Cornerstone Church, praying for our leaders and those serving and those being served. It was so awesome! We probably could walk that church all night long, beseeching God for several different things, and never run out of things to say or thank God for or ask for. I really love prayer walking, and I would love to do it more frequently; it's a shame my self-conscious nature prevents me from doing so, as I'd probably look like a fool, talking to myself. In China, it was no big because no one knew what I was saying anyway. :)

March is (supposedly) craft month! I'm excited because I spent about 2 hours (umm....probably shouldn't have) on instructables.com picking out different projects that I'd like to do. Here's to being more creative!

Today, LisaGrace gave me a series of books that I've already delved into and adored from the beginning! I'm already halfway through the first book (granted, today was a VERY slow day at work), and there's three in the series, which is called The Mark of the Lion by Francine Rivers. It is SOOOO good! I forgot how much I love Christian fiction! I get so lost in the stories! They're incredibly historically accurate too, which is really neat!

It got me thinking today though; I get so wrapped up in Christian fiction that everything around me fades away and I'm oblivious to what is happening around me. The stories pull me in and I enter the character's world and feel what they're feeling.

There's nothing inherently wrong with this, but why don't I feel the same draw to the Bible, where I want to read it and get so lost in the story that my name needs to be repeated several times to pull me out of my trance? Why don't I feel the Biblical character's pains and struggles and victories as well as I feel Hadassah's in Voice in the Wind? What difference in value do I place on the two books that leaves this great chasm? And what do I need to do to be changing in my life to make my value system and priorities line up more appropriately with Christ's?

Harder than I thought

Like I said in my last blog, I'm giving up all internet related things (with the exception of blogspot and gmail) in lieu of seeking God more. It's only been half a week, but MAN is it hard!! I didn't realize my tendency was this strong! I made a list of things that I wanted to do Thursday and Friday evening and Saturday afternoon, but when those times came, I threw myself a little pity party because I couldn't do the thing that I wanted to do (or rather, the thing that's become a worthless habit). I DID get some stuff done like finding myself a sweet dresser, finishing a wall decoration, sorting through my closet to find exactly what little nice clothing I own, reorganizing, finishing a book, and picking up some sweet music. I recommend A Fine Frenzy; I'd pull up a video on youtube for you to listen in on, but that's already proven to be a land mine of wasted time. (Though I did find this SWEET video of funny asian people)

The book I finished is called Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller - amazing. I've ALWAYS wanted to go on a road trip through the country; no agenda, no time constraints, just you, some friends, and some sweet God time. This book only makes me want to do it MORE. Favorite line:

And if these mountains had eyes, they would wake to find two strangers in their fences, standing in admiration as a breathing red pours its tinge upon earth's shore. These mountains, which have seen untold sunrises, long to thunder praise but stand reverent, silent so that man's weak praise should be given God's attention.

I seriously get chills every time I read that. Oh, Donald Miller...you are most definitely one of my favorite authors.

I've still got some discipline issues to work on, but it's marked improvement from the way I used to spend my evenings. Hopefully, I'll get to a point where I can actually complete things in one evening, instead of getting distracted. I'd also like to get to a point where I can actually drag myself out of bed early so I can read or pray before I leave for work. I know I am capable, but I am so not willing to do anything at 6 am. At that point in time, there is no thought of honoring Christ; I am 100% self-centered.

We'll get there...we'll get there.

Sick Candle Food

Yep, it's that time again. When my productive hacking cough could compete with a 60 year old experienced smoker's and the melodic sounds of sniffles and blows fills the silence of my sick/snow day (or sick of snow day), you know it's cold season. And lucky me, I'm down to 5 kleenexes left! Sometime soon, I'll have to venture my way outside and brave the cold and several inches of fresh snow to get to the store. Oh, but the prize will be so worth it....VICKS VAPOR KLEENEXES!! Yesss...those amazing things could clear out your sinuses immediately! Someone in my family has been known to stuff them up her nose, just to get the maximum affect of the vicks vapors. Hmm...I cannot wait!

In case you hadn't noticed (which I'm assuming you didn't), I added something else to my list of 2010 goals over ther. <-- I bought a 70 hour candle, and by end of May (or hopefully sooner), I want to have used up the entire candle. It's a way for me to keep track of my prayer life and a reminder to myself to have that one on one time with my God. I'm not by any means saying you need to light a candle when you pray; it's just a tangible way for me to see a goal being met - being more diligent about being in prayer.

Let's see.... work's good, I've been more disciplined about staying on my schedule and setting aside that time for God each day. It's surprising too - when I have a schedule and different things I need to have done each day, there's less time for facebook and hanging out with my email 24-7. Who knew?! But I'm seeing more and more that I don't need those things and they've become a distraction (I always knew this in my head, but I didn't realize how bad it was until now). So for the lent season, I'll be giving up all internet related things with the exception of email and blogspot. No online tv shows (which means no tv shows period, since I don't ever watch them on the actual television anyway), no facebook, no online comics or MLIA. I don't NEED any of that stuff, and my time is better spent becoming a more disciplined person. Chuck, Community, House, and The Office do nothing to help me grow as a person, but continuing to practice cooking different things, organizing my life better, and setting aside more time for God most definitely will!

And speaking of cooking... I spent all weekend in the kitchen (at least it felt like it...)

-Friday, I made Sarah Owen's Enchilada Soup and tried my hand at making steak and green pepper stir-fry. The soup was great, the stir-fry was not. Meh

-Saturday, I made LisaGrace's Chicken Alfredo Pizza - it was so good! And everything was from scratch, so it made it all the better!

-Sunday, after spending all day at church(s), I came home and made Cheesy Spinach and Bacon dip for the Super Bowl Party at Todd's. The only reason it wasn't all gone at the end of the game was because we ran out of chips. =D

-Monday, I made Paige's Chicken Tacos. It's totally uncharacteristic of what typical tacos are, but they were amazing! Everyone ate until they couldn't eat one more bite! The guacamole I made with it was pretty fantastic too.

Overall, a VERY successful weekend of cooking! It was really encouraging to see that I can not only make edible food, but really good meals too! (with the exception of the stir-fry...still not sure what was wrong there...)

This afternoon, I'll be making cookies for Kyle, who said he'd change my brake pads tomorrow. Gotta love a friend who'll do car work for you in exchange for cookies!

Part 3: Where I am now

Ah, back to real life, the life as a post-graduate and alumni of ISU. Well, not quite, as I haven't had a job, and for a while, a place to stay permanently.

While I wouldn't say I was what Christ described as "the least of these", I was definitely in need when I got back. I had my part time job at Cornerstone (where I spent a week catching up on my hours), so I needed to stay in Ames. Several friends offered their dorm rooms or houses to let me spend the night, but I really hated imposing on them; I don't want to be a burden! I also reached a point where I needed to apply for the Food Assistance Program; talk about a low blow to your pride... But, thank you God, the body of Christ stepped up and blessed me abundantly. I had a friend who, when she found out I didn't have a regular place to stay, commanded me to stay at her place the rest of the week and left her debit card with me for any needed expenses I had that I couldn't cover. God, bless her!

After a week, I moved in with Justin and Sarah, and it's so amazing. I really am so grateful to them! They've been a huge blessing, and are so great to live with!

Then, God opened His blessings door, and provided me with the job we've been praying for for months! LisaGrace is moving to Iowa City in the summer and asked if I wanted her position. After talking with her bosses, she told me they'd like to start me immediately instead of in June!

God, You are holy and so sovereign! You knew all along!!

I'll start this week, and am so excited to start paying off debts and building a strong financial foundation for myself! To help guide me and make the right financial decisions, I started the Financial Peace University class today. I have such a desire to honor God with what He has given me!

About a week ago, I spent an hour looking back through my posts and seeing how far God has taken me this past year. A lot has happened! I realized my purpose and where I want to ultimately end up in life (in missions), I battled over and over again to guard my heart (sometimes failing, sometimes winning), I was forced to trust God on several occasions to provide for me in difficult situations, I finally became content with my singleness, I did a rather spur of the moment trip to China, and SO MUCH MORE. Since choosing to follow only Him nearly 2 years ago, I have grown emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I know what I need and love and hope for, and I love who God is shaping me into (as I let Him...). Which brings me to my 2010 goals...

I know I'm doing this a month late and all, but I had more important things to deal with than resolutions (job, where to live, how will I buy food?!). I've always been terrible with them, but I have a new vigor for them now. I've been inspired by a few friends, and I have a true desire to move forward with where I am now! New year, new decade, new rules. And to help keep me accountable, I've given you a list over there.
<---
I'll add to it and update as I go (and if anyone knows the html for the 'strikethrough', I'd greatly appreciate it!)

And, to solicit more comments, what do you think of the new web-do?

Part 2: Don't ask, "Why, China?"

Man is it hard not to do this... So many times, things would happen that made NO SENSE, but there's no point in asking. There's no answer anyway.

For example...

A intersection has 4 stoplights, all pointing in different directions - pretty normal really. Except there is also a traffic cop in the middle of the intersection directing traffic.
or
China has the delicacy (which I use VERY loosely) called "stinky tofu", and seriously, they're not joking. Every time I caught even the slightest whiff of it, I would gag. I feel ok saying this (knowing that Chinese might read it as well) because they, too, can't stand the smell of it. And yet it's popular enough to have it near any large group of Chinese people (and, um...it's China. Large groups are the standard.)
or
The incessant need for prevention of diseases (face masks everywhere), and yet the creation of split pants. Children in China are not potty trained (more or less), so instead, they'll slit the back of their pants so when the kids need to go, they can squat and go in the streets. You NEVER leave anything on the ground and you certainly don't sit on it either. Everyone knows what's been there at one point or another.
or
The need for traffic signs. There are no traffic 'laws' in China; only suggestions. 60 kmph does not mean you cannot go 100 kmph in the middle of town. (next time you're in your car, check to see how fast 100 kmph is.) More on this later...

By the time Christmas rolled around, we were kind of Chinese food-ed out, and needed something American. That morning, Mike texted us: "Hey, wanna go somewhere fancy for lunch like TGIFridays or Papa Johns?" Amazing. And quite honestly, that is 'fancy' in China. We chose the former, and I had my first TGIFridays in China. :)

Early on, I learned a few Chinese words to help me get around. However, just because you say it confidently does NOT make it right... I went around telling Chinese people thank you in Chinese for their service saying "Shway shway". I got funny looks, but I didn't think too much about it. A few days later, someone corrected me: xue xue (she-a she-a). I had been telling everyone "sleep sleep" the previous few days!

Towards the end of the trip, I tried to learn more phrases (and probably annoyed a few teammates as I repeated them over and over again :)), and for some reason, thought it was a good idea to practice in the taxi. Never practice your Chinese in a taxi. He thought I spoke Chinese, and halfway through the trip, he started a conversation with me. I have no clue what he was saying, but he was quite persistent the rest of the way home. Yikes... All I could say was, "I am American, and I am awesome. This place, bread truck."

We had a ton of interesting taxi rides, and several reminded me of car chase scenes from action movies. Our final night in our town, we watched Bourne Ultimatum. The chase scene there was a yawn - we see that and participate every day in those thrill rides. And just because the Chinese streets are 2 lane doesn't mean that 3 cannot fit, though it is a squeeze. Just sayin'... At no point do motorbikes, bikes, or pedestrians have a right of way either. On several occasions, we had REALLY close calls with running people/bikes over. A few times, I was that person. (I swear, the taxis come out of nowhere!)

If you ever go to China, be ready to be stared at. You really feel like a celebrity; people will openly gawk at you and even take pictures. Those who are especially bold with ask to have their picture taken WITH you. We went to one campus and ate at their cafeteria. While our friends were ordering us dinner and we were sitting at the table, a group of 5 lunch ladies came and stood at our table, just looking at us and smiling. We laughed awkwardly at their own lack of self-awareness and Kimberly took out her camera to take a picture. As soon as she had the camera out, they all scattered VERY quickly!! How funny that they have no problem openly staring at us from less than 5 feet away, but heaven forbid we catch them in a photo!

There's more "ah, Chiner" stories, but I feel like this is enough to tie you over for now. Part 3, coming up next!

Intro + Part 1 = I'm tired of writing.

Ok, fine. You got me. It's been __ weeks since my last post. And, as one might guess, a ton has happened. So much so, that I've dreaded writing because SOME OF YOU decided to move overseas and I can't tell you personally about everything that has happened and you're really the only one who is clueless at this point. A lot of work for 2 people....(cough-jess and mike-cough)

But since I love you and miss you (man, do I miss you), I'll write you a freakin' blog. 3 part series, like I suggested a few days ago. I even thought about what my 'parts' would consist of. And, just like me, I forgot. Sooo here goes on-the-fly thinking.

Part 1: Serious Chiner.

Part 2: Funny Stories Chiner.

Part 3: Post Chiner.

Thus begins my story.

China was pretty awesome, but probably in a different way than you think and one that I really can't explain. It was really sweet to see a completely different country than I have never experienced in any fashion before, but I'm not sure what my true feelings toward China are. The best way to describe it, at this point, is that awkward place when a guy and girl are maybe thinking about a possible relationship but they're just not sure if they're ready or if their heart is truly in it. Funny, I've been back 2 weeks and couldn't figure out where I was, but that's a pretty accurate description...

So anyway, in case I didn't tell you (and I don't care to bother to look at previous posts to make sure), we hosted Christmas parties the first week and shared Jesus with over 500 university students that week alone (INSANE!). The following week and a half was spent doing follow-ups with those who seemed interested in knowing more.

Nearly the entire trip was g0-g0-GO! which was really good; God blessed us abundantly with the energy needed to build a lot of relationships and hold out patience for the communication barriers. Surprisingly, our last party was just as energetic as our first, and that is ONLY by God's grace.

At one point, I was able to share a part of the gospel using a few Chinese words I had learned; I loved how their eyes lit up when I (attempted to) use Chinese! Granted, it may have been because I had tried to use their language, but I know that greater work is done in their hearts when you use their heart language to speak truth to them.

The biggest lessons I learned while in China didn't come through interactions with the Chinese people or even through China itself; it came through realizing my own shortcomings and dealing with the sin issues that resulted.

On this trip, I lost a lot of possessions; it seriously seemed like every other day, I either lost something, or would have lost it if it hadn't been for team members saying, "Danielle, do you have your hat? Gloves? Bag?" I swear, I'm not that irresponsible! (But see?! Even there, you can kind of see what sin issue I have...[yes, the ONLY one ;) ]) The climax came when I reached into my bag and realized that I had lost my portion of the trip money. Oh my word, I just wanted to collapse and cry. How could I, the ACCOUNTANT, lose money?! My team was amazing and said nothing of it. "Danielle, really, it's ok! It's better the money than you. Don't think anything of it." But no consequences? No punishment of having lost so much already and then losing the money?! I couldn't accept that, so I punished myself by consistently guilting and beating myself up. Go figure, team unity wasn't too strong at that point. But God laid it on thick the next morning during personal time.

1 Peter 5:5-7 "Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Thank you, Jesus. My teammates were extending grace toward me and wanting me to be free of the guilt, but my pride wouldn't allow it! Dang, it's one of those sin issues that, if you think you don't have it, you do. And just to drive the point home, God gave me this one the next day:

Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

Touche. I considered myself better than my teammates because I was the co-leader, and the oldest at that! I am better than that. I'm above losing things, like some 5 year old. Ahh, but then, there's that nasty haughty spirit, another facet of pride. Darn you, Satan!

So yeah, lesson learned. "Thanks, God! I'll be on my way..." Nope, He had more plans and lessons on humility. More on that in part 3 though. (Gotta have the draw! Ya know?)

I also learned more about what ministry I'm suited toward as well. (This is it, I promise. I know long blogs are hard. :( ) I adored Kosova and really am indifferent to China; in Kosova, I did more philanthropic work and manual labor whereas in China, it was ALL evangelistic. Makes sense if you look at my list and ratings of spiritual gifts; serving/helping hands is at the top of my list and evangelism is quite low.

In the past, I've struggled to reconcile the fact that if, Lord willing, I go overseas for missions work, that I'd be in an office doing accounting; it seems to me that if I'm a true missionary or working in missions, what I'm doing should be hard or it doesn't count. But God equips us with different gifts for a reason; we can't all be evangelists or accountants or technicians or teachers. Evangelism is definitely not my area of skill; I felt like regardless of how many times I practiced sharing (remember... the gospel was shared with 500 people. Lots of practice.), something just wasn't clicking in their minds and I wasn't being effective. That's ok though; God can use anything, and I'm only responsible for planting the seed, not forcing it's growth. Wherever I go and whatever I do, I'll share. But it's comforting to see, with finality, that it's ok to be an accountant.

(lol, that last sentence just sounds ridiculous.)

Stay tuned for part 2