Desperate Prayer

God, I am SO bad at remembering that it's not about me. I am so bad about thinking that my life is about my needs and what I'm missing out on and why I'm feeling this particular way. I completely miss out on what You have me here for and why I was created.

It's not to be a wife. It's not to be girlfriend. It's not to be a good friend. Its not about being pretty or in shape or funny or gifted. It's not about looking good because of some charity I did or sounding wise because I happened to say the right thing at the right time. These things may come about as a result of living out my purpose, but they are not the reason I was created.

It's all for You, Lord. It is all for You!! Everything You have done, everything You have created, it is all to bring glory to Your name! Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades, never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame, and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise.

You are the only One that can satisfy me. You are the only One that can fulfill every need I have in my life. Lord, I want to be needed so much - so use me God. Use my gifts and my talents and my belongings. Give me opportunities to pour myself out for others, not for my sake, not for their sake, but for the sake of bringing glory to Your name. Lord, I don't want to be lonely anymore - so bring me people I can minister to. Give me people that I can pour my life into until there is nothing left of me, and then fill me up again so I can continue to be a blessing for Your name's sake. Lord, I want security - so stretch me and break me so I see no other way. Lord, you've brought me to this place before and came through and blessed my life so much - do it again! I ask as a small child delighting in her Father over something amazing that He did. So Abba, do it again!

Lord, You know my life is Yours. Thank you for waiting patiently for me to relinquish control over each area of my life, sometimes several times over. I forget easily of what I promised and why it's worth it, but Lord, I know You are. I know how smoothly life flows and how joyful I feel when I'm walking with You. I don't know why I stray, but thank You for forgiving me each time I do and welcoming me back with open arms.

God, I know You want to do big things through me. I don't know when or where or how, but Lord, please guide me and be with me. Jehovah Jirah, I know You will not leave my side. I know You desire to be with me and comfort me in ways I do not understand; God, I open my heart to You. Renew me. Change me. Make me more in tune with You. I know this means trials and tribulations are in store, but I rest on the truth that You will not place anything in my path that I cannot handle. I trust You with my life - I'd be silly not to.

I love You, Lord.

P90X

For the record....

Anyone who wants to keep track of what mess I'm getting myself into fitness-wise can visit my other blog at www.revampmyfitness.blogspot.com

I intentionally didn't share the last time someone asked because I hated (yes, hated) the previous link name. This is better, I think. No more bad connotations.

So laugh it up while you can. Because come August....pretty sure I'll be able to take you down.

I want an inciting event...

I haven't blogged in forever. I'm sorry. Things got away from me...

I stopped reading Ortberg's "The Me I Want to Be" in lieu of Donald Miller's "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" because everyone ranted and raved about it - I had to see for myself.

Love it. Seriously. I think he's dead on in way too many aspects that I am able to go into detail about. But seriously, you should read it. Cause Donald's kinda awesome.

He talks about memories a little later on in the book and why some are more memorable than others. I don't remember why because I haven't thought about this a lot because I just read it last night, but I really liked his explanation of it. (So go read it to find out for yourself!!!)

I want to make more memories. I want to break out of the norm and do something spontaneous that will linger in the recesses of my mind for no other reason for enjoyment and amusement when I look back in 5 years. I want to enjoy life and live it intentionally.

He also talks about conflict. I'll be brief, because I could go much deeper. We love movies where the characters are forced into conflict. They have to fight their way through and end up coming out of it on the other side a changed person. But in real life, we tend to avoid conflict; it's uncomfortable and it's often hard. Who wants that?! But that's what great life stories are made of! Facing conflict and moving forward!

So this got me thinking. I want my future someone (this is the husband we're talking about here) to do just that. I want to join him on his adventures and face our conflicts. I don't want life to be comfortable and easy. I want to embrace life, even when it gets difficult! And I want someone who will plunge headfirst into it - not because he's comfortable with conflict or because he knows what to expect, but because it's just a part of life and great stories (lives) come from facing those conflicts.

In the meantime, I'll chase my adventures by myself (or with friends, if they're willing). So. That being said.... anyone have any ideas? Cross country trip? Backpacking across the west? I'm P90X-ing it up for some major adventure. Please don't leave me hanging...