There's a mythical place... very similar to Family Video or Redbox, but instead of renting movies, you can rent BOOKS?!?!  It's a genius idea, really...I mean, who can afford to buy all these amazing new books and devour them all?!  No....that gets expensive.  

I know, it's quite obvious in a "Do you live under a ROCK!?" kind of way.  When we were little and under the tow of my exasperated mom, we would take several trips to the library a week during the summer, and what little of my childhood that wasn't spent outdoors playing in my glorious river (creek bed) and forest (a poor excuse for timber) was spent pouring over books and reading as much as I could.  I participated in "Book It" and won myself several personal pan pizzas from Pizza Hut for my efforts.  I even dreamt of becoming a librarian myself, teaching poor kids how to read from the back of my library van where I would travel to small towns breathing a breath of fresh air into their imaginations.

But apparently when you go to college, "the library" takes on a new connotation and is no longer a refuge but a source of drudgery and studying.  At least for me it did.  It's not FUN anymore.  So I managed to avoid the library my entire college career and beyond.

Until today.

What's got me all fired up about the library again is that I've realized I can borrow books on my Kindle!!  All those books on my wishlist at Amazon just begging to be bought can now be borrowed and returned when I finish them!  My pocketbook is ecstatic.  And what's not to love about having several dozen books within grasp, ready for that moment when they can be chosen during a period of waiting for an appointment or right before bed, or if I happen to be at a ridiculously catching climax, at a long stop light.

I thought I had been a reading fiend this year, averaging 2 books a month (ish).  Well....Ames Public Library?  Game on, my friend.  Game on.

Eternally Faithful

Hey!  Look what I found in my blog "draft" folder!  It's a rare find to see something that didn't actually get posted at the original writing, but I'll take it!  I need a good back-in-the-saddle blog anyway...

A while ago, a friend posted a "member that time" about how over the course of a week, she beat all the guys in her homeroom in an arm-wrestling contest and that reminded me of myself...

I grew up a die-hard tomboy. Oh sure, I liked wearing dresses and tights, but I'm pretty sure that every single pair of tights I ever wore to school came home with holes on the knees that miraculously appeared because I certainly wasn't about to admit that I had ruined another pair.

Even now, I cringe at the idea of a tea-party themed women's retreat and "girls night out" where we paint our nails and do face masks.

Sorry girls, I think I'm sitting this one out.

I'm competitive, driven, and love a challenge. When I did a semester of the Army ROTC, my favorite part was the drills and obstacle courses we had to complete. Cross a wide stream using a rope tied between two trees while toting a large gun? Drop to the ground and army crawl through mud? No problem. It's one of the reasons I love bootcamp; it's hard, it sucks, it's challenging in ways you hadn't thought about before, and it's my own daily competition. Granted, that's also the reason why I hate it; I'm not top dog in there. But it keeps me coming back and pushing hard because once in a while, I do win.

But this attitude has a big downside; I refuse to let anyone think I can't handle something on my own; I'm fiercely independent. I can do it. I'll carry the heaviest box just to prove to you that I am not frail.

(Case in point, I was helping Paige and Todd move and picked up a heavy box. Todd offered to help and I told him, "I've got this! I do bootcamp!" to which he replied, "Yeah, but you'll never be a man!")

I have such a hard time submitting to the assistance of others and their help; it feels like admitting defeat. If I accept help, I'm admitting I'm not good enough, I've failed. In reality, it's not nearly that dramatic. But try telling my heart or mind that.

So when I get to a point in life where my burdens are just too heavy and I can't take another step, I'm forced into that position where I have to admit defeat and accept the assistance of the One who can carry it all, always. It hurts so much to say yes to His assistance, initially. But He lifts my burdens with ease and I don't feel shameful and embarrassed at my lack of strength. He knows I can't handle it all, He's always known. Deep inside, I do too. But each time I insist I can handle it on my own again, He lets go with sad eyes, knowing that He'll have to pick me back up in a short time.

Why don't I let Him carry my burden all the time? What do I have to prove to Him? I know He's not impressed by my selfish and prideful attitude of independence and He delights when I lean on Him, and honestly, I do too. My strength will never be enough, not even close. And when I rely on Him, life is better. Not less hard, but the burden is not mine to carry. He provides me peace during those periods of turmoil and pain.  I know He's capable and willing; He's proven that time and time again.  He's eternally faithful to carry me through all matters of life; all that He requires is my trust.

Because I do live a thrilling life worth documenting. Right?

Helloooo...Anyone other than Paige and people who pine after my updates/writing still read this thing?  (which is weird, a tad bit creepy, and all too flattering.  I mean, guys, it's been almost a year.  Desperate much?)

I honestly do enjoy writing...it's theraputic (sometimes) and I crack myself up at my oh-so-witty banter with myself.  But seriously, I rarely feel like I have anything worthwhile to post.  As hilarious as it is to me that I keep referring to the piles of tasks that I sometimes receive at work as a "butt-load of paperwork" and how incredibly awesome it was that I just ate an entire pizza and watched a terribly depressing movie on my Friday night alone, I don't feel like that translates well into blogging, nor do you care all that much.

But I could be wrong.  And because the only way some people get updates from me is through this blog (which is also depressing - Paige, our visits cannot be annual.  Jess, we need to skype regularly!), I should and/or could keep this up at least a little bit, right?  I mean, sometimes something awesome happens and you need to know.  Sometimes I can be super theological or I have a new insight into something/God's teaching me something new (or old, and I just have to relearn it again and again.).  I could definitely blog about that!

Or, this could be my blog for the year and you'll hear back from me in another 10-12 months.  We'll see.