Seriously, I am a magnet for things that cost money! Let's see...what happened?

Can't remember if I mentioned this or not, but on our (Lauren's and my) way back home to Newton from Mount Pleasant, my tire went flat on I-80. Not too big a deal, I can fix a flat, but I'm not so handy without a lugnut wrench. So we had to call for help, and all the while dad's telling me how I need to learn how to change a flat without having to call 911. ~sigh~ The tire was beyond repair, so we had to buy another one. Gotta cough up more cash. Lauren was so fun though. She was freaked out about the huge semi's going by and moving the car by the force of their...air (?) and because the car was on a slight slope next to a deep ditch, she was convinced we were going to tip over. :) After all was said and done, she climbed back in the car with me, sighed, and exclaimed, "Life experiences!" Maybe you had to be there...

We went back to Mount Pleasant for our parent's anniversary party (where I wrote the last entry) and drove back today. We left a little later than we should have and got back to Newton late.

Problem #1: Nasty Iowa winter weather. The roads are coated with ice. Yuck. It'll take me a while to get back home.

Problem #2: My car battery is dead again. This time for no apparent reason. (Enter voice in head: "Bad money magnet! Bad money magnet!") Dad decided my battery is worthless, is way to small for my car, and no longer worthy to sit on the platform beside my engine. He gave me a new battery, a different battery, that seemed to start my car with no problems at all. It's a lot bigger too; much more worthy to sit on the engine throne. I feel like I've betrayed my old battery that was semi-reliable for 2 years, but those feelings were quickly forgotten and the whole situation wouldn't have been brought up again, were it not for blogspot.

Problem #3: Changing my tire. Not really a problem per say, however my efforts to persuade my dad that I can, in fact, change a tire were thwarted when I forgot to loosen the lugnuts when the car was on the ground. Dad read that as an inability to complete the task and took over. Once he turned his back to put the spare away, I immediately jumped into action and tried to place my brand new, deep tread tire on the axil ("tried" being the key word). I can make up a million excuses as to why my frozen hands couldn't maneuver the big heavy tire onto the small bullseye of the bolts while my hair was blowing in my face and making eye contact with my small goal difficult, but I'll just say dad took over quickly and finished giving me my lesson in "how to change a tire." Class finally dismissed.

Problem #4: Finally, at 9 pm, I'm on the road to Ames. On the road, but not moving. Yeah, slight problem with west-bound I-80. It's not moving. Took me 15 minutes to go one mile. Now, I'm not a math wizard, but I had 33 miles to go until I hit Des Moines and who knew how far traffic was backed up; I could end up hitting Ames at 1am! If I arrived that late, no doubt my roommates would be asleep and I wouldn't get help bringing stuff into the apartment. I turned around at an illegal U-turn path (why are they there if you're not supposed to use them?!) and headed back home in a faction of the time it took me to get to the spot I turned around.

Which leaves me at the here and now. I am now here in Newton, spending (hopefully just) one more night before I head back home.

Paige, don't go into labor with bad roads. I'll pray for a prophet to come and knock on your door, telling you to leave early so you don't have to rush to the hospital on a layer of ice. Preggers people should not have to deliver in such weather conditions... And I got the little guy hats! :)

Black Friday

I had a blast this week with family! Thursday, we had the family come to our new house in Newton and had Thanksgiving dinner there. We stuffed ourselves silly and games followed for the next few hours until we were all exhausted.

Today, the ladies of the house went to Iowa City and shopped all day. Though I had nothing to get, I went along anyway and had a great time with all of them. Once again, I'm reminded of how much I love my family and need them.

It was funny though... Walking through the mall, I have never been approached by the center aisle merchants, but today, an aggressive woman approached and practically demanded that I come and get my makeup done with her mineral makeup. We were leaving, so I had to decline but she persisted even while I was walking away. Yikes... Not even 5 minutes later, I was aggressively approached again, only this time, for my hair. "Please! Let me do your hair!" Again, I declined, and again, she continued to persist. My goodness!! Do I really look that bad!? Thankfully, as we passed the "eyebrow booth" (seriously, there was one there), I was not approached. At least my eyebrows are ok...

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the family cat and Panther, my rabbit, have become fast friends! They were playing in the living room, chasing each other around when we arrived home from Iowa City. Yay! I was wondering how well they would get along, especially when they would have to spend the weekend together. Turns out there was nothing to worry about. :)

Tomorrow is Mom and Dad's anniversary party. A lot of problems have come up, unfortunately, but it should all work out. I refuse to stress out over this!

I am so glad to be here with my family this year! I'm more grateful for them than ever! And I hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving week too!

I'm trying to find the motivation to pack for the next week, but it's terrible not knowing what to bring. The last thing I want to do is pack, drive home, then realize I wanted to wear this particular outfit I didn't bring. Jeska, I understand why you just took everything to South Dakota. :)

Now that time has passed since those terrible two days (friday and saturday=h e double hockey sticks), things have been a lot more calm. Mom and Dad are willing to help out with the towing fee in return for me cleaning their house spotless for Thanksgiving. The catch: Dad's been cutting drywall so EVERYTHING has a thin layer of white. I shall not complain, though. They don't have to help me out, and I'm extremely grateful to them!

My phone was returned Saturday night too. It looks like when I tackled Molly onto the couch, it slipped out of my pocket. Thank goodness for facebook, or I would have never found out they found it!

All in all, I've realized that while all this sucks really bad right now, it all pales in comparison to eternity. As I told Paige on Saturday though, it really really sucks right now. :)

I'm in the process of making my 5th batch of bread tonight. 4 loaves for bagettes, 2 for loaves on Thanksgiving. Hopefully they all turn out! Thanks, Paige, for the tips on everything!! I'm glad to have an awesome homemaker friend like you!

Surprise. I feel better now than I've felt in weeks (with the exception of the frustration below). Things that used to make my heart hurt for him no longer have an effect. I honestly cannot tell you what happened. I feel nothing, but I feel free. Explain it any way you want, but I no longer feel secretly cynical. I feel good.

Weird.

On the flip side, I also feel like crap. It seems (to an outsider) that I have been incredibly irresponsible this week. My dome light drained my battery because my seat belt secretly slipped into my door when I shut it, keeping my door open enough to leave my dome on for 3 days. My phone slipped out of my pocket at the movie theater and I couldn't find it. I have received repercussions for parking in places that were apparently illegal parking spots but weren't marked at all (one was a ticket, the other a tow. wtf, mate?!). And it appears I've developed a nack for slipping through the cracks. Mmm. It's getting rather frustrating and I can't wait to just leave Ames for the week. Frankly, I'm tired of it and could use a break. Not from anyone here (heaven's no!) but from general annoyances and little devils playing, "let's see how far we can push Danielle!" ~sigh~

God's been good throughout though, always giving me a loophole of hope and encouragement and even helping me find lost wrenchs before I realized they were missing (that's an interesting story). I'm hoping that the janitors discover my cell phone tucked into the seat. I'm hoping I can find a little leniency with Butch's (doesn't sound promising, does it? that's where God comes in) and maybe not have to pay the full fee (God knows I can't afford it). But it's all up to Him and I've got to trust He's got this under control.

After all, God is bigger than Butch.

~cries~

*~*edit*~*
I should probably preface this blog with what's been going on in my heart the past few months (SO sorry I don't do this more often).

At the time Paxton sent me the email, I knew he was still struggling and therefore, nothing had changed in my feelings for him. However, that changed. I found out from friends of his that he was making great leaps and bounds in his relationship with Christ and in his personal life as well. He was truly becoming the man I wanted to marry. I knew I couldn't get back together with him any time soon; I needed to wait a few years before I could be sure what was changing in his life wasn't a sham. And I certainly didn't want to toy with his heart either. Telling him I may be interested but wouldn't pursue anything for a few years wouldn't do him or myself any good. But I entertained the idea, nonetheless.

He went on hiatus from....the internet in general and I haven't talked to him in forever. But that didn't change the fact that still I thought about him every single day. Guess I wasn't as over him as I thought.
*~*end edit*~*


He's gone. That's it. I'll never see him or talk to him again. And all I can do is cry.

"Dani, I don't think I want to be your friend anymore."

That's something you hear when you're in elementary school with superficial classmates. Or as a joke between friends when something distasteful is brought up. Never in real life though. And it's like a sucker punch to the stomach.

I haven't hurt this much since that early March night when I left him. Now it feels like he's doing the same to me.

I suppose I only have myself to blame. After seeing the changes God was making in him, I left my heart open to the possibility of being with him in a few years. I entertained the idea that this was God's love story for me. How foolish to think I can predict Him!

A small part of me feels relieved though. This was my answer from God that I was looking for. It's time to move on for good. No more entertaining ideas, no more imagining our encounter, no more hoping that the person I gave so much of myself away to was my future husband.

A small part though.

Most of me just feels hurt. Understanding hurt, but hurt nonetheless.

At least there's always heaven.