Guys. Seriously. My friends rock my face off. On a regular basis.
I turned 23 this past Tuesday - feels old to me because I'm surrounded by young-uns (at work, in class, at SALT, you name it). But it's so awesome to look back to last year and see how far I've come.
After surrendering everything to God last March, I've been under constant construction. There have been times where I've fallen back, but God is so amazing and faithful and continues to draw me closer and closer to Him. I'm craving Him now more than I have in so so long! I desire to live for Him and let Him bless me (since His plan is so much better than anything I could have ever figured out).
And I never thought being single could have done what it has for me (if that makes any sense at all...). I've grown so much the past year, becoming my own person, discovering what I like and what I desire in life and where I struggle the most. Throughout it all, it's so good to know that God's totally doing it all and showing me what He wants me to become and rejoicing with me on our journey! And while I struggle sometimes with my "relationship status", I've become content with where I am and I'm enjoying my season of singleness. Looking at couples like Paige and Todd, and LisaGrace and Brian, it's so much easier to put everything in perspective and say, "Yeah, I could wait for a love like that. It's so worth it!" So thank you, guys!
And speaking of good friends, I absolutely adore all of mine! This past birthday was so amazing - probably one of the best I've had (no joke!). I became a full-fledged grown up this year and worked my entire birthday (till midnight) so party plans were near non-existant, or so I thought. Turns out, my roommates were planning a surprise birthday party for me after SALT on Thursday. Totally blew me away - I had no idea! I'm so grateful and blessed for the relationships and friendships God has surrounded me with this past year!
This next year offers so much opportunity! I've got an internship with the State Fire Marshal (few days a week) that will give me some pretty awesome experience. This fall, I'll be helping Jodie in the missions office and getting more exposure to missions in the church. I plan on seeking more ways to serve within Cornerstone in the next year as well.
I'm so excited for what God has for me! I'm so grateful for His plan and purpose! Life would be so meaningless and directionless without Him.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
I've had a pretty great past few months, but last week was pretty freakin' awesome.
Monday, I got to see the lovely Paige and hang out with her and her baby. Man, I love that kid! I forgot how much I love that baby smell! I had some great conversations with Paige too. We need to do that more often!!!
Tuesday, we went to see STOMP! If you EVER have the chance to see them, please go! They were amazing! The 90 minute show was sooo entertaining!
Forward on to Friday (not to say Wednesday and Thursday sucked because they didn't; just nothing noteworthy)! I met some people from SALT Co., and we played frisbee on central campus for an hour and a half. I LOOOOVE frisbee so much! Seriously! We had a blast and are going to play every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at noon. I'm so excited! A few hours after that, I was given a full body massage for free (!!!!) <--my first! It was so amazing! I'm grateful for it too, because if it hadn't been for the massage, I would have been a lot sorer on Saturday than I was! That night, I went to the VEISHEA concerts. Most of the people playing were local bands, and surprisingly, we have some pretty awesome musicians! RED played after the battle of the bands and they were pretty amazing too! I ended up with 2 cds and plan on getting a third. Without me knowing it (with the exception of RED), they're all Christian musicians! Score! I'm really excited about all of them!
Needlesstosay, I'm pretty worn out. This week should be fairly uneventful, thankfully. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some things done and other things started. Here's to a (hopefully) productive week!!
Monday, I got to see the lovely Paige and hang out with her and her baby. Man, I love that kid! I forgot how much I love that baby smell! I had some great conversations with Paige too. We need to do that more often!!!
Tuesday, we went to see STOMP! If you EVER have the chance to see them, please go! They were amazing! The 90 minute show was sooo entertaining!
Forward on to Friday (not to say Wednesday and Thursday sucked because they didn't; just nothing noteworthy)! I met some people from SALT Co., and we played frisbee on central campus for an hour and a half. I LOOOOVE frisbee so much! Seriously! We had a blast and are going to play every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at noon. I'm so excited! A few hours after that, I was given a full body massage for free (!!!!) <--my first! It was so amazing! I'm grateful for it too, because if it hadn't been for the massage, I would have been a lot sorer on Saturday than I was! That night, I went to the VEISHEA concerts. Most of the people playing were local bands, and surprisingly, we have some pretty awesome musicians! RED played after the battle of the bands and they were pretty amazing too! I ended up with 2 cds and plan on getting a third. Without me knowing it (with the exception of RED), they're all Christian musicians! Score! I'm really excited about all of them!
Needlesstosay, I'm pretty worn out. This week should be fairly uneventful, thankfully. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some things done and other things started. Here's to a (hopefully) productive week!!
Friday, April 10, 2009
20 May-Not-Knows (but probably-don't-cares)
1. When I make espresso drinks, (especially when I'm steaming milk) I clench my jaw. I'm concentrating so hard on steaming the milk just right that I unconsciously clench my jaw. I just discovered this yesterday.
2. I've been formulating this list for the past few days. But I know for a fact that I am going to struggle with coming up with 20 may-not-knows about me. It's one of those things...when you're trying to remember something really hard, you'll never remember it. But 3 days later, you'll be like, "What?! I could have TOTALLY used that and it would have been awesome!!" I have these moments often.
3. I apparently know accounting better than I know God. I can articulate accounting procedures like it's no one's business. But when it comes to describing the things of God, I'm at a complete loss. I can explain my passion and love for God, but I'm not sure many would understand. This terrifies me.
4. Thankfully, Perspectives has given me a hunger that leaves me wanting to know more and more. I've been craving deep conversations lately - something much deeper than the superficial materialistic conversations I've been having as of late. It's hard to get into a deep conversation though. (I've always considered myself blunt, but saying "Let's talk deep stuff" doesn't seem like it would be an effective conversation starter) I do plan on taking an Apologetics and Theology course through Salt next year. I really can't wait!!
5. My last semester at ISU is going to consist of graduate accounting courses; I'm an undergraduate. It's going to be awesome.
6. This is probably more obvious (if you know me well): I'm passionate. When I love, I love big. When I'm excited, I'm very giddy. When I'm stressed or upset, it's definitely evident; I crash hard. (my blogs are an example of this. When God is moving in my life, I'm way pumped. But when things don't work out, I get frustrated and stressed. Usually, it's only the small things that do this to me.)
7. That being said, I have an unusually odd ability to accept really hard things. I'm not sure if it's just my philosphy at life (which I wasn't quite aware that I had) or a God given ability, but I don't get weighed down by the things in this world. Yes, saying goodbye to Jess at the airport was hard, but I clearly didn't take it as hard as mom and Lauren (Jess, I love you dearly, I know you know that.). I guess I have an easier time understanding and accepting that there's little I can do to change things. I've also considered the possibility that God is changing what breaks my heart. But whatever the reason may be, I am able to move on from difficult situations with an odd ease and sense of understanding.
8. Jeska, this one goes back to your honest post. My chance to be 100% honest. Other than when I was a kid just sharing what I learned at church, I really haven't witnessed to anyone. I tried once and ended up having the Gospel shoved back down my throat (the guy I was talking to was a religion major from a liberal college and made it a hobby to intentionally catch Christians with some difficult questions and made fools of them). Needless to say, he knocked the wind out of my sails and I've been afraid to share since. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem sharing my faith and what I plan on doing for Him outside of graduation. But I cannot present the Gospel; I feel like I don't know enough. (Actually, now that I think about it, a few mormons did this to me as well...)
9. I have the worst time ever when it comes to finishing books. I get just a few chapters from the end, and I cannot finish it, no matter how good the book is. If I were to just sit down and finish all the books I'm nearly done reading, I would probably read at least half a dozen to a dozen books in one day. I'm honestly that bad.
10. I have filled out 3 applications to audition for singing on the worship team. I have yet to audition because I can't bring myself to turn in the application.
11. It's 2 am and I'm obsessed with finishing this thing because I hate quitting when things are half done. I'd rather sit down, finish it all in one shot and go than to take several stabs at it. I feel like, more than likely, every subsequent time that I sit down to work on it, the finished product will become more and more mediocre. (So why on earth did I decide to start writing this at 1 am?!)
12. I. Hate. Clothes shopping. I may be the only female on the earth who loathes this activity to the very core of her being, but I'll stand by my word. Nothing will put me in a worse mood than shopping for hours and ending up with minimal or no purchases. The only thing that will counteract the absolute disdain for these outtings is my mom. I swear, the woman can make a fun affair of going to the dentist. (Oddly, she has. Twice.)
13. I don't care what all of you say, my dad is the best. If I need wisdom, guidance, an extra $20 for gas, or a just really good talk, I can go to him. And not many dads will still take their daughter out on a 'daddy-daughter date' when she's about to turn 23. I'm seriously looking forward to tomorrow with amazing anticipation!!
14. Definitely not as interesting, but I have an eye twitch. It's incredibly annoying! When my eyes get tired, my left eye will twitch incessently. It's apparently not noticable to anyone else, but I can definitely feel it and I feel like I look like one of those crazed cartoons right before they flip out.
15. I think I could sleep for 24 hours in any particular day. It may not be deep REM sleep all day, but I could definitely stay in bed semi-conscious for 24 hours. Perhaps I'll try this someday. (Not likely though)
16. I am slowly perfecting my slow pour for latte art. I think it's the first step! (After learning to pour only as much milk as you need and foaming it just right so you don't have too much foam but enough to create a design...) I think all I need to do is learn how to move the stream in such a way to create a design. By the way, I made a heart last week! It was amazing!! The customer took it before I had a chance to take a picture though. :(
17. I often have conversations in my head; not necessarily with myself, but with other people. See, I anticipate situations that may occur with different people and will enact the conversation that ensues. If I'm not feeling particularly creative, I'll reenact a conversation that I've had in the past. If you ever catch me in one of these conversations (because I do actually mumble them out loud...it's not in my head), please don't think I'm a crazy. I'm just bored. Pretend you didn't notice.
18. There's a reason why I wear mostly t-shirts and jeans (not just for comfort). I can be extremely self-conscious sometimes.
19. I know it's a part of life, but I have a very hard time seeing friends 'move on' and grow apart. It's hard to believe that someone I shared so much with can just move on and have no desire to see me again. (I don't mean for this to sound prideful or selfish like I'm someone who deserves to have everyone's love and attention. It's just hard not to see a desire to meet up with someone being reciprocated.)
20. There's no twenty. I'm going to bed. :P
2. I've been formulating this list for the past few days. But I know for a fact that I am going to struggle with coming up with 20 may-not-knows about me. It's one of those things...when you're trying to remember something really hard, you'll never remember it. But 3 days later, you'll be like, "What?! I could have TOTALLY used that and it would have been awesome!!" I have these moments often.
3. I apparently know accounting better than I know God. I can articulate accounting procedures like it's no one's business. But when it comes to describing the things of God, I'm at a complete loss. I can explain my passion and love for God, but I'm not sure many would understand. This terrifies me.
4. Thankfully, Perspectives has given me a hunger that leaves me wanting to know more and more. I've been craving deep conversations lately - something much deeper than the superficial materialistic conversations I've been having as of late. It's hard to get into a deep conversation though. (I've always considered myself blunt, but saying "Let's talk deep stuff" doesn't seem like it would be an effective conversation starter) I do plan on taking an Apologetics and Theology course through Salt next year. I really can't wait!!
5. My last semester at ISU is going to consist of graduate accounting courses; I'm an undergraduate. It's going to be awesome.
6. This is probably more obvious (if you know me well): I'm passionate. When I love, I love big. When I'm excited, I'm very giddy. When I'm stressed or upset, it's definitely evident; I crash hard. (my blogs are an example of this. When God is moving in my life, I'm way pumped. But when things don't work out, I get frustrated and stressed. Usually, it's only the small things that do this to me.)
7. That being said, I have an unusually odd ability to accept really hard things. I'm not sure if it's just my philosphy at life (which I wasn't quite aware that I had) or a God given ability, but I don't get weighed down by the things in this world. Yes, saying goodbye to Jess at the airport was hard, but I clearly didn't take it as hard as mom and Lauren (Jess, I love you dearly, I know you know that.). I guess I have an easier time understanding and accepting that there's little I can do to change things. I've also considered the possibility that God is changing what breaks my heart. But whatever the reason may be, I am able to move on from difficult situations with an odd ease and sense of understanding.
8. Jeska, this one goes back to your honest post. My chance to be 100% honest. Other than when I was a kid just sharing what I learned at church, I really haven't witnessed to anyone. I tried once and ended up having the Gospel shoved back down my throat (the guy I was talking to was a religion major from a liberal college and made it a hobby to intentionally catch Christians with some difficult questions and made fools of them). Needless to say, he knocked the wind out of my sails and I've been afraid to share since. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem sharing my faith and what I plan on doing for Him outside of graduation. But I cannot present the Gospel; I feel like I don't know enough. (Actually, now that I think about it, a few mormons did this to me as well...)
9. I have the worst time ever when it comes to finishing books. I get just a few chapters from the end, and I cannot finish it, no matter how good the book is. If I were to just sit down and finish all the books I'm nearly done reading, I would probably read at least half a dozen to a dozen books in one day. I'm honestly that bad.
10. I have filled out 3 applications to audition for singing on the worship team. I have yet to audition because I can't bring myself to turn in the application.
11. It's 2 am and I'm obsessed with finishing this thing because I hate quitting when things are half done. I'd rather sit down, finish it all in one shot and go than to take several stabs at it. I feel like, more than likely, every subsequent time that I sit down to work on it, the finished product will become more and more mediocre. (So why on earth did I decide to start writing this at 1 am?!)
12. I. Hate. Clothes shopping. I may be the only female on the earth who loathes this activity to the very core of her being, but I'll stand by my word. Nothing will put me in a worse mood than shopping for hours and ending up with minimal or no purchases. The only thing that will counteract the absolute disdain for these outtings is my mom. I swear, the woman can make a fun affair of going to the dentist. (Oddly, she has. Twice.)
13. I don't care what all of you say, my dad is the best. If I need wisdom, guidance, an extra $20 for gas, or a just really good talk, I can go to him. And not many dads will still take their daughter out on a 'daddy-daughter date' when she's about to turn 23. I'm seriously looking forward to tomorrow with amazing anticipation!!
14. Definitely not as interesting, but I have an eye twitch. It's incredibly annoying! When my eyes get tired, my left eye will twitch incessently. It's apparently not noticable to anyone else, but I can definitely feel it and I feel like I look like one of those crazed cartoons right before they flip out.
15. I think I could sleep for 24 hours in any particular day. It may not be deep REM sleep all day, but I could definitely stay in bed semi-conscious for 24 hours. Perhaps I'll try this someday. (Not likely though)
16. I am slowly perfecting my slow pour for latte art. I think it's the first step! (After learning to pour only as much milk as you need and foaming it just right so you don't have too much foam but enough to create a design...) I think all I need to do is learn how to move the stream in such a way to create a design. By the way, I made a heart last week! It was amazing!! The customer took it before I had a chance to take a picture though. :(
17. I often have conversations in my head; not necessarily with myself, but with other people. See, I anticipate situations that may occur with different people and will enact the conversation that ensues. If I'm not feeling particularly creative, I'll reenact a conversation that I've had in the past. If you ever catch me in one of these conversations (because I do actually mumble them out loud...it's not in my head), please don't think I'm a crazy. I'm just bored. Pretend you didn't notice.
18. There's a reason why I wear mostly t-shirts and jeans (not just for comfort). I can be extremely self-conscious sometimes.
19. I know it's a part of life, but I have a very hard time seeing friends 'move on' and grow apart. It's hard to believe that someone I shared so much with can just move on and have no desire to see me again. (I don't mean for this to sound prideful or selfish like I'm someone who deserves to have everyone's love and attention. It's just hard not to see a desire to meet up with someone being reciprocated.)
20. There's no twenty. I'm going to bed. :P
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
So the guy driving the short bus picked me up today to take me home.
...
My summer is still up in the air. Grrr... I hate this.
And I was totally cool. Things were falling together, good news all around, no problems.
Nope, not anymore.
The questions I thought I had answered are no longer answered and while I'm definitely not back to square one, it seems I've taken a few steps back.
Sure, I'll probably have answers next week. But next week is so far away. Meanwhile, I get to be confused and unsure of where the next step is. Rawr.
...
My summer is still up in the air. Grrr... I hate this.
And I was totally cool. Things were falling together, good news all around, no problems.
Nope, not anymore.
The questions I thought I had answered are no longer answered and while I'm definitely not back to square one, it seems I've taken a few steps back.
Sure, I'll probably have answers next week. But next week is so far away. Meanwhile, I get to be confused and unsure of where the next step is. Rawr.
Friday, April 3, 2009
thinking...
I don't normally type blogs like this (mostly because I don't feel like I have the authority to), but I really liked what a friend said yesterday. (These are also my musings on her quote and are not backed by anything but my thoughts)
I was talking about how I didn't really know where I would be in the next year and how moving somewhere unfamiliar can leave one with so many fears and uncertainties that they would rather just stay where they are than risk failure (especially if they're a planner like I am). Or how someone may not be sure of where God wants them or what His will is for them at this point so they stay.
She passed on a quote from her wise grandmother to me: "God can't move a parked car."
She explained: When we remain where we are because we're paralyzed by fear or we're unsure of where God wants us, we're that parked car. We need to keep moving forward; that way God can direct us to where we need to be. If we're going the wrong direction, He can point us in the right one. If we're on the right path, He can provide us with a peace that assures us we're in His will. But if we remain where we are, unmoving, we can't led.
Of course, there are times God wants us to remain where we are. During those times, we often do not have a feeling an anxiety that prompts us to question where we are in life. But I can't deny the fact that sometimes we still feel a degree of uneasyness. God often tells me to "Wait," or "Be still," when I start feeling antsy with where I am.
But if there's a voice in the back of our minds challenging our reasons for staying where we are or a nagging feeling that God wants us somewhere else, then it may be time to move. We may not know where to go, but once we start moving, God can and will direct us to where He wants us to go.
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how to reconcile the different between our feeling the need to move and God saying "Wait", and that nagging suspicion that we're not where we should be (and not hearing anything from God). Maybe the difference is what we desire and what God desires. When God says, "Wait, not yet," perhaps we're acting on our own desires to move. But when we're feeling called to something greater and are held back by fear or simply not knowing where to start - well, maybe that desire to move was placed in us by God.
Feel Free To Challenge This - It's Something I'm Still Thinking Through Too. I'd Love Feedback!!
I was talking about how I didn't really know where I would be in the next year and how moving somewhere unfamiliar can leave one with so many fears and uncertainties that they would rather just stay where they are than risk failure (especially if they're a planner like I am). Or how someone may not be sure of where God wants them or what His will is for them at this point so they stay.
She passed on a quote from her wise grandmother to me: "God can't move a parked car."
She explained: When we remain where we are because we're paralyzed by fear or we're unsure of where God wants us, we're that parked car. We need to keep moving forward; that way God can direct us to where we need to be. If we're going the wrong direction, He can point us in the right one. If we're on the right path, He can provide us with a peace that assures us we're in His will. But if we remain where we are, unmoving, we can't led.
Of course, there are times God wants us to remain where we are. During those times, we often do not have a feeling an anxiety that prompts us to question where we are in life. But I can't deny the fact that sometimes we still feel a degree of uneasyness. God often tells me to "Wait," or "Be still," when I start feeling antsy with where I am.
But if there's a voice in the back of our minds challenging our reasons for staying where we are or a nagging feeling that God wants us somewhere else, then it may be time to move. We may not know where to go, but once we start moving, God can and will direct us to where He wants us to go.
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how to reconcile the different between our feeling the need to move and God saying "Wait", and that nagging suspicion that we're not where we should be (and not hearing anything from God). Maybe the difference is what we desire and what God desires. When God says, "Wait, not yet," perhaps we're acting on our own desires to move. But when we're feeling called to something greater and are held back by fear or simply not knowing where to start - well, maybe that desire to move was placed in us by God.
Feel Free To Challenge This - It's Something I'm Still Thinking Through Too. I'd Love Feedback!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)