Sorry...

I know it's been forever. I apologize. I really sucked this past month.

However, a lot was happening, but at the same time, it was the same kind of thing over and over, so I didn't feel the need to blog, especially since I had emailed everyone I knew about what was going on. (Grandma's health)

In case you live under a rock or I didn't tell you (the latter is much more likely, so I apologize), Grandma Henderson fell and broke her femur. After the surgery, they discovered fluid on her lungs and her kidneys weren't functioning well. Post several MRI's and CAT scans, we discovered she had kidney cancer (again) that had metastasized to her bones (not good). It's stage 4 (terminal) and she's going to be in a ton of pain until she dies. Upon her death, I honestly do not know where she would go, but I have a pretty good idea that it wouldn't heaven. So if I haven't asked you (and even if I have), please pray for her. I really want to have the comfort that she knows Christ and will be going to heaven.

In other news, I'm going to Florida in June! My old church is taking their high school there as a mission trip kind of thing and they needed more female leaders, so they asked me. Way cool!! However, this body is NOT going in a swimming suit IN Florida. So I've started exercising (shocking!) and eating much better. I'm hoping to lose 20 pounds? but we'll see. My old exercise blog is back up if you want to check that out for a laugh or two.

I'm hardly a walker, let alone a runner, so I'm taking it slow to begin with. I can't expect to run a 5K a week after I start running for the very first time. It's really not reasonable, and very few people would argue with this.

I kinda see this same idea/concept concerning prayer. (betcha didn't see that one coming...)

I didn't pray a lot before I started my prayer candle. In fact, it was pretty much limited to group settings where we all prayed and when someone had a specific prayer request (I'd pray right there if I remembered, but really, only that one time - I'm deeply sorry if you're one of the ones I never prayed for. I really regret not being there to intercede for you). I was very weak and my pray endurance muscles were atrophied. So when I started my prayer candle commitment, thinking that I could pray 30-45 minutes a day and work that thing down, it didn't take long to realize that I just don't have the 'muscles' to do that yet. I should, theoretically, be at 2/3's of my candle left - we'll just say that it's not.

Just like I need to start slow with running, I need to start slow with praying. My end goal IS to be able to pray that long and be a strong prayer warrior, but I'm so weak right now; I fall asleep, I get distracted, and I fantasize conversations that I had or will have (but probably not) in my head, always adding more witty lines that what I actually said (or ever could say). I'm learning how to pray over my distractions and talk to God on a basic level. I'm learning to look beneath my fantasies to the underlying condition of my heart. I'm learning to be more committed to praying for someone continually and how to keep a journal to keep track of who and what I've prayed for. But I've still got a long way before I can run my 5K.

So I will not be completing my goal of burning down my 70 hour candle before May. I'm still going to work at it, and I'm still motivated to get there because my life has been rocked in the awesomest way since I've started trying. But I know, realistically, I can't train for and be ready for a marathon in 3 months.