First of all, Jars of Clay is amazing to listen to when you're trying to contemplate life's questions. Phenomenal.

I've been doing a vast amount of journaling the past few days--more than I have in...well, for as long as I can remember. It's been amazing how much it has helped. (I've tried journaling in the past and never got anywhere really. I think it was because I was trying to make it sound good. This time, I wrote everything, whether it sounded good or bad or absolutely insane.) The questions that I had have been, at the very least, talked through and at best, worked out.

Many thanks to those I talked to last night (only one of you reads this :)) too! Your advice was amazing and will be implemented. I can't wait. :)

So, the reason for my distressed soul and jumbled thoughts?

I decided last week that I would like to use my degree (accounting) for missions whether that mean I'm going overseas and using accounting or working here in the states with a missions organization. What all that entails, I'm still not sure (looking through everything) but it's the first time I got excited about the possibilities after graduation. We are commanded throughout scripture to spread the good news of glory of God everywhere, are we not?

Good, we're agreed.

This has implications for my previous plans though: do I continue pursuing my CPA (reminder, I received a scholarship to take a CPA prep course for free....gift from God telling me where to go or Satan trying to distract me?) or forget the CPA thing and go straight into missions? Don't know!

I've decided none of this will affect my graduation date; I will still graduate next Spring with all the credits required and everything (making me CPA eligible). There are a few Accounting courses that I'd like to take that would be very helpful in the missions organization (accounting for not-for-profit organizations? very yes!!) So that won't change. But the CPA question still remains.

As for the boy I met---as much as I like him, I can't assume anything (in terms of a relationship). I'm not omnipotent and I can't see what the future holds, what God has for me. So I can only focus on the present and simply pray for Mr. Future Husband-of-Mine who chooses to remain anonymous right now.

One thing at a time. It's all I can handle, and trying to do any more will only serve to stress me out to the max rendering me useless for any extended period of time. (I'm onto your tricks, Satan! I'm figuring out how you lure me into debilitation!)

I looked back to when I made other "life altering" decisions (ISU or UofI? nursing or accounting? break up with Pax or not?) and realized that in every one of those cases, the decision I made was the one that made me feel more at peace. I felt inner turmoil with the other choice but felt comfortable with the other. So obviously, I went the peaceful route. This decision making process hasn't failed me yet, so I'll give it another go with this. But I've been stressing so much lately that all of my soul is distressed and so I've got to have some one-on-one time with God. Just Him and me, talking and straighening things out. Should be a good time! Tomorrow, I'll have my answer! ;)

Pray for me, if you can remember. I'm sure I could use all the guidance and prayer I can get. I love you all, blogland!!