I'm feeling better this week than I did last week (in terms of the angst my distressed soul was experiencing). I think I may have found the direction I need to go, but there are still a few things I need to pin down before I make an absolute decision.

One thing still bothers me though (forgive me for being vague).

I was so sure 2 weeks ago and everything was fantastic! I felt great and seemed to not have a care in the world. Then the picture changed and now I'm feeling nearly the opposite of what I felt oh-so-seemingly long ago. Am I being psychotic and psyching myself out because really, nothing is different? Or has everything changed and I'm the one left in the dark? It's been forever since I've been in this position and I don't remember what I'm supposed to do. I want desperately to move forward and (maybe too soon?) spill everything, but at the same time, I don't want to "jump the gun". I said before that I could wait, that none of this was really in my control. While that really hasn't changed, my desire for control has and I hate not knowing what's to come. It would be so much easier if everything was brought out into the open, wouldn't it?

Jeska, I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote a week ago about insecurities. I know who I am, I know God values me and loves me into eternity, but I'm insecure in how people view me. To apply that, did I come off as interesting and captivating? Or dull and monotonous enough to drive someone away. It IS hard for a personality to come through instant messenger...

I don't know....I guess I hate being stuck in one position. I want things to move forward, one way or another. I hate being still.

And then our good Lord comes down and says, "Be still," just as I write that.

The frustrating thing is that it's easy to "be still" when I'm in the Word or in a place where I'm reminded constantly of God (church). But then I have to go to my tax book to study for my exam tomorrow and all that "be still" is gone because I'm back to thinking the way I was before I was still! (not really thinking...more like obsessing. Rr, I hate obsessing!) How do I remain in God and in the Word while attempting to be a good student and study? (I assume "doing all things for the glory of God" includes being a good student and learning so I can apply the knowledge given to me for Him)

Well, time for me to attempt studying. Hope my post wasn't too obvious. :)
(And I swear, I am doing better. This was just a much needed vent.)