I've officially completed my last exam, all my papers are turned in, no more assignments....

This can only mean I'm ready to graduate! Wooo! Now I can REALLY sing, "no more pencils, no more books, no more teacher's dirty look" and MEAN it!

And then it hit me. Like, 2 minutes ago. (And the first thing I did was come here to tell you!)

I'm done. I'm not a student anymore. It's been a part of my identity for the past EIGHTEEN years. And now, under "occupation" on applications, I'll be forced to write something other than "student". Currently, that's "unemployed".

After this realization and before I finished typing the blog, I went to the kitchen to cut onions and cried. The tears were because of the onions, of course - not because I'm sad to be done.

(yeah, my roommate didn't believe me either.)

insert Flight of the Conchords:

I'm not crying...It's just been raining... on my faccce

I'm not crying... I've just been cutting onions... I'm making a la-san-gaaaa

For your information there's an inflammation in my tear glad

My eyes are just a little sweaty today

I don't know what I should be feeling now: disappointment or embarassment

I've always held the position that drinking isn't all it's cracked up to be. I wasn't ever curious to know what it was like, and consequently, didn't have my first drink until I was 22.

So what did I do for my 21st birthday instead of going out to the bars? I went to the gas station and bought scratch and play tickets.

I just realized today that you only had to be 18 to buy those tickets.

I explained to the cashier why I was buying the tickets - to celebrate that I finally could. The odd look she gave me explains so much now...

I think someone's confused...

New Huffy Disney Princess Bike Commercial:

Girl 1: "Where's the prince?!"

Girl 2: "He's stranded in the castle! We have to save him!"

Both, throwing fists into the air: "Princess to the rescue!!"

Enter heroic music: Girls save Prince Teddy Bear

Girl 1: "The prince is safe now!"

Both: "Time for another adventure!"

At what point did princesses begin saving princes? And since when did princes start getting stranded in the castle and unable to get out? Are our princes so oppressed by princess-led feminist revivals that they can no longer defend themselves? Or do our princesses feel that they cannot trust their princes to take care of themselves?

I'm just kind of in awe of the whole thing. Never before has a commercial gotten me to think so long after it aired. (Currently, probably 4 hours ago) Don't the Huffy marketers know that the prince saves the princess, not usually the other way around? Or are they picking up on some trend in society that the woman needs to 'save' the man and are subliminally teaching 'our' children this? (I say subliminal because the two people I showed this to didn't even notice the dialog behind the advertisement)

Putting 'prince saving' behind, I would think that the background music would match more of a princess theme, not 'knights storming the castle' theme. So at the end of the commercial, when the announcer says, "With Disney Princess bikes, every girl's a princess!", I fully expect to hear "hero" instead of "princess", based off the music.

Maybe I'm going too far with this. Maybe I need to actually put my thinking behind the multitude of assignments and exams that I DIDN'T do this past week. But this commercial thoroughly bothers me. Gender remodeling at it's finest.

(To see the commercial: http://www.huffy.com/Default.aspx and click on "see our new commercial" at the bottom left)

Aw, man. I suck at being funny on purpose.

There's really no reason to tell you this, other than the fact that it's true. I've seriously contemplated blogging several times the past few weeks, but all I've got is a few updates that could be accomplished in a few sentences. Nothing amusNO WAIT!

Since it was the Friday before Thanksgiving Break and my student teacher for recitation knew that no one was going to show up, we watched a History channel special on "The Black Plague!" It started out talking about how nasty the plague was and how you could catch it even if someone breathed on you if they had it. (Thank goodness, you don't catch the plague from people just breathing on you even if they don't have it....although when raunchy breath is involved, sometimes you feel like you could) Oddly enough, some people survived for no apparent reason; they just had this crazy immunity to the disease.

enter Danielle's amazing ability to sleep anywhere at any time....

I wake up half an hour into class to deep thumping music and gyrations on the screen. Um....gross. Somehow they made a segue-way from The Black Plague to the AIDS virus... And now I'm thoroughly awkwarded out. Turns out some people, no matter what "risky" behavior they've involved with, cannot catch the AIDS virus. Ah, there's the connect.

Unfortunately for me, after that class, I just felt weird all day. Nothing like waking up from a nap to male gyrations and retro photos of men lounging pool-side. ~shudders~

Now for the update:

• I'm cool if God moves me to Denison. I'll still have my connect to Cornerstone, and who could complain about that?
• I'm packing my apartment. It's slow-going, but not because there's so much. It's because there's almost nothing to pack and it just feels weird seeing everything...empty.
• I'M GOING TO CHINA.
• 3 weeks of school. And then I will no longer hold the status that I have clung to (exaggeration) for the past 18 years. When asked for my occupation, I'll actually have to put an occupation. What will I choose?! There's just so many....
• Speaking of which, I've only applied for one job and it's not looking promising that there will be any others. So here's to praying I get the job? (By the by, I did get a second interview. December 2nd. Pray. for. me.)
• I'M STILL GOING TO CHINA.
• I got new glasses. Way excited. :D
• Still LOVING this November weather. Screw snow.

Yep, that's pretty much it. See you in 3 weeks.

allow me to be vulnerable... and lengthy

I'm terrified into oblivion. And it makes me cry, but not the "weeping and sobbing" kind, just the "single tear that rolls down your face" kind. Much more mature.

Rest assured, I'll probably be ok tomorrow. Or in an hour, after I've read me some Jesus.

What am I terrified of?

Not being happy.

I'm paralyzed into indecision because I'm afraid that if I take the job (that, by the way, hasn't even been offered to me yet. yeesh! I'm ridiculous...) and move to Denison, away from my amazing church and close friends and all the support anyone could ever need, I'll fall apart into a small pile of lonely, unhappy Danielle-crumbles.

I desperately need people, like I need food and water and sleep. I become a very crabby mess if left by myself for a day or two.

This isn't to say that Denison is inhabited by antisocial aliens, plotting to ostracize me in response to my coming and disturbing their peace. I know that people are there and maybe even a few Christians.

But I'm afraid. What if there aren't people in my demographic? (20-something, fresh out of college, taking the world by force [clearly me]) What if I find that no one can relate to me? What if there isn't a Cornerstone Church there? (ironically, there is. But I bet you anything, it's not my Cornerstone Church)

Or even scarier... what if this is all just a disguise for me not wanting to trust God in this area?

The tears that are welling up say I may have hit the nail on the head.

I don't think that it's that I don't WANT to trust. It's that I've become comfortable where I am, and just like anyone else, I'm uneasy when it comes change, especially the radical variety. Things will be much different. Things will be much harder. (more sniffles) But God can still challenge me and grow me and love me, even 2 hours and 29 minutes away from the body of Christ I've become a part of.

Have you noticed that I keep referring to a certain church? Mom dropped me in our wrestling match (metaphorically speaking) when she said, "You need to start worshipping God and stop worshipping Cornerstone Church." Sucker-punch. More introspection.

I had, essentially, rejected everything else she had said up to that point (because she just doesn't understand [rolls eyes now]), but this.... this made me stop and think. Am I really 'worshipping' Cornerstone and not God? The fact that I fell prostrate on my face during worship and wept uncontrollably (man, this post is making me look weak!!!) tells me differently. But then again, any time I refer to what God's doing, it's in reference to a group affiliated with Cornerstone or Cornerstone itself. Oh, I know it's all from God. But I tend to mention the church more than the true source.

That begs the question... If I claim to know it's all coming from God, couldn't those same things be happening in Denison? Assuming of course, that God is in Denison. By resisting the move because God's moving in Cornerstone and I'm a part of that, implying that I wouldn't be used in Denison like I am here, am I putting God in a box? (That, by the way, was not what my mom told me last week... [clears throat loudly])

Clearly, I have issues. And answers.

So I'll give Denison a chance. Who knows, just maybe, God will push me out of my comfort zone to share the gospel with all those unbelieving Denisonians.

And how bad can a town be that has an open burning of all their leftover pumpkins from Halloween?

Ever get excited about something and forget about it the moment someone/something distracts you?

All the time.

My frozen pizza has been sitting on TOP of the stove for half an hour 'cooking'. Yay me. :) I don't even remember what distracted me...

I know I do this frequently though. I'll think to myself, "Ok, I've GOT to get this done today! As soon as I get home, I'm going to make that phone call/finish that paper/reply to that email!" And then I'll get home and all I can think about is those wonderfully soft warm blankets calling my name. (cause it's so cold here...[sarcasm]). Phone calls/emails/papers are forfeited for ... man, I don't even know. I just forget.

I should probably call the next time they have those infomercials for My Lil Reminder.

Man, I love cheese.

So our family group (Bible study for international students) is going well, but not as well as I would prefer. We've talked about who God is, His characteristics, what Jesus did and who He is, and everyone seems to have a good grasp of it. They're understanding and forming their own (sometimes very difficult) questions to better understand what's going on. But there's a huge gap between making the jump from head knowledge to heart knowledge. I almost wonder if this feels more like a class where you're learning new philosophy, and not about the God who can change your life.

A huge thing I've picked up in Theology of the Gospel is that the depravity and sinfullness of man MUST be explained! The international students see no need to be saved if they don't realize that they need to be saved from something. We posed the question, "Do you think man is overall good, or do you think all men are evil?" Only one out of 10 internationals said man is evil. They have no concept that they've sinned against God and need to be saved.

In two weeks, I'll be doing the lesson, and I think I want to take this on. It's something I've been convicted about through the past few weeks, and I feel like it really needs to be said. So PLEASE, be praying for me. I'm way intimidated (I don't feel that I'm eloquent or have the gift of evangelism, but then again, neither did Paul) and I want to share this critical part of the Gospel in love. By the by, I'm glad I have 2 weeks to do this. :)

In other news, I'm finally being faced with the big decisions that I knew would inevitably come. Do I leave Ames for what appears to be the perfect job? Or do I hold out in hope that God will provide me a job here? The biggest concern I have is my spiritual life. I feel like I still have far to grow with my walk with God and I KNOW Cornerstone will continue to push me and challenge me. I don't have that assurance in Denison. I also don't have the strong spiritual support of a group of women who know me and where I struggle and know how to encourage me.

So tough.

Any advice on either matter would be much appreciated. Honestly.

tmi?

Yesterday as I was cramming Kleenexes in my nose to keep from blowing every 5 minutes, I thought to myself about how attractive colds are. And how good of an excuse it is to do something dumb and maybe (hopefully) gain sympathy instead of ridicule.

Today, Mr. Cold took it to a whole new level. While we're not full blown I'm-taking-over-your-face yet (and I'm going to try to keep it that way), we're starting the aches, joint pain, and chills. I don't remember colds being so hard on your body! Anyway, I'm staying home tonight to try to give my body a rest since I was up and out all day. Hopefully we still have some DayQuil in the cabinet...

In other news, I love love love my dad. I met up with him in Ankeny to watch Lauren's volleyball game and it was so good to hang out with him. He took me out for dinner and grocery shopping and we had a lot of good talks. I'll definitely miss him a ton when I eventually move away. ~sigh~ If only I could take all the things I love with me when I leave... It would make everything so much easier!

Update:
The pathetic frozen popsicle has returned; I've resorted to wearing my big sweatshirt and thick socks, sitting on the kitchen floor next to the oven while my frozen pizza cooks while keeping my warm laptop in my lap.

Winter is SO going to kick my butt this year.

Still freezing. So cold. What happened to sweatshirt weather? We went from warm t-shirt days to needing the big winter coat. I miss the comfy sweatshirt days. :(

I took my guitar in to Reimans to get the neck on my guitar straightened (it was really bowed and it made playing very hard). A few minutes later, the guy came out and said it was much better. And then:
Him: "There's a little problem with your strings though; [plays a few chords, and one of the strings buzzes really bad] one of your strings is broken."
Me: "Yeah, I need knew strings. I plan on getting them soon"
Him: "And, um.... do you even HAVE a tuner?"
Me: [embarrassed] "Well, yes, but...."
Him: "Cause it's REALLY out of tune. One string was an entire step off, a few were sharp, a few were flat..."
Me: "Yeah, I'm learning a song where I have to drop the A to a G."
Him: "No, it's just out of tune. Badly."

Yeah, so I'm the guitar chick who clearly doesn't actually play her guitar. Fantastic.
On the flip side, I was referred to this guy on youtube who will walk you through a song and teach the strumming patterns and everything; he's kind of amazing. I learned "Flood" by Jars of Clay in half an hour. I feel way cool now. :)

I'm loving the missions internship! I've got the Perspectives website up and ready (just need to make a few changes) and I'm really excited to get registration started. With that said, go recruit family and friends! Send them to www.perspectives.org/ames!! The class is totally worth the cost! (Or, for those of you not in ames, you can search for a class nearest you - Pella, Des Moines, and Danville all have one. There are more too!)

Battery dying. Bye

swf with cold hands, warm heart seeking...

I have a new mission. Or rather, an old mission, but for new reason.

I need to find a man. With a solidly warm core body temperature.

Yes, yes, there are other reasons I desire a husband. But right now, warmth is pretty darn high on my list. It's a sad thing when you can't get your core body temperature to warm up FOUR HOURS after you were outside for 10 minutes. In 44 degree weather.

I'm pathetic.

But I'll leave that out of my "w seeking m" wanted ad. No one wants a frozen pathetic popsicle for a wife. :)

It's funny how you have no problem with a certain thing that you're doing until someone mentions that maybe you should, in fact, be keeping the fourth commandment, even now. And you shrug it off like it's no big thing, but then God lays out the truth and you're convicted. In a very hard way.

The past two weeks have been terrible. I haven't been utilizing my time as I should, and as a result, have been staying up until 2 or 4 am studying. Part of it was that I had a bajillion exams (at least one a day, sometimes two) and couldn't keep up with just those, but I probably could have been better prepared if I had been keeping up with the readings and other various things beforehand. Hindsight's 20/20 though, and last Monday, I woke up and was ready for the week to be over. I had no time to rest at all and my body was revolting hard core. Conviction, like always, wore me down, and I've decided to start keeping a Sabbath.

Keeping a sabbath seems kind of 'old testiment'ish and very unpractical for today's busy world. But I was reading through the first few chapters of Genesis, about God creating the world, and even He, on the 7th day, took a sabbath and rested. I'm pretty sure He would have been fine to have kept on going, without taking a day of rest - He is, after all, God, right? But I think He was setting an example for us. Our bodies can only take so much work before they collapse. They need time to rest and get their strength back for another week.

I've been wondering what exactly a Sabbath would look like for me since my schedule is absolutely insane and I barely have time for anything. But upon closer inspection, if I actually utilize my time like I should (taking advantage of 2 hour lunches to get some reading done instead of watching tv or being on facebook), I should, in theory, get stuff done. I still don't feel like I have a lot of time (too many commitments), so I'm adjusting my schedule accordingly (no more Salt Company :( ); I really want to use my time wisely. That way, when my Sabbath does come, I can just rest.

So sabbath for me = no homework and no housework. I would love to use this time to visit with friends and hang out. I'm a social person and being by myself makes me very short-tempered and grouchy and being with people is rejuvenating for me.

That being said, this weekend was my chance to recuperate from the hellish 2 weeks I went through. And today was awesome.

I slept in until 11, woke up when my roommate got home, and we decided to clean the apartment. Very thoroughly. Amazingly enough, we finished in just over an hour. Yess!! It looks soooo good now! The power of a clean apartment should never be underestimated! There was more that I would have liked to get accomplished today (progress on a paper due friday), but Rome wasn't built in a day, was it? Growth takes time.

I busted out the guitar again too. I've got a terrible system where I take a week and build up my callouses by playing hard, and then I leave my guitar to gather dust while my callouses wear off. It's a painful process. This cycle, I'm trying hard to learn to 'pluck' the strings for this one particular song - I've never been able to get my fingers coordinated enough for it. But I made good progress tonight! Maybe I'll post it when I get it mastered? (Look for it in a year or so)

Blah

I'm caught in a funk right now - it's not enjoyable (duh), but I'm plugging away. I've been saying that I only have 3 months of school right now and I can totally do 3 months worth of that if it means there's no more. I think I'm wrong - I'm definitely feeling the affects of knowing I'm done soon. I have no motivation to do any of my schoolwork or study. I've also noticed that I'm echoing the same sentiment many of my classmates are: we're all planning on landing a job before we graduate, so why should we try hard this last semester? Our GPA doesn't matter after we graduate anyway.

While it makes sense (to an extent, assuming we DO all get jobs before we graduate), it's not what God wants. "Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do all for the glory of God." So I need to be studying for Him. What I learn now could impact how I do in the work place and I need to be doing my best in all areas for the glory of God.

Mmmm conviction.

In other news, I've landed an interview with AEGON. I'm not excited yet because last year I got an interview as well, but it didn't go any further than the first interview. There will be more excitement (or dread) if I land the second interview. Although, Jodi pointed something out: AEGON is in Cedar Rapids and I wouldn't be able to do the missions internship. I'm praying God makes it very clear what He wants me to do.

Well, it looks like it's time to hit the books once again. I'm not fond of History, but I've got an exam on Monday that's going to kick my butt unless I start cracking (the books).

Ew...no pun intended.

Man, it's been forever!

It doesn't feel like forever though, because I, on a regular basis, seriously consider writing a post and often times mentally write out a rough draft about what said blog will say. But, as many may have noticed, those blogs don't ever come into existence. (By the by, is it still considered a legit blog if i only type out 2 paragraphs? My initial answer is 'yes' because my blog title says '5 minute blogs' which seems about right. So expect more? Or a change in blog title.)

Boys are confusing as heck. IDK what to do with you all. (ps, if 'you're' reading this, it's not about you. pretty sure you know who 'you' are.) It's seriously been way too long since I've dealt with any of this and quite frankly, I don't what I'm supposed to do. Not that I ever knew what I was doing anyway - I'm apparently not all 'up and up' on my relationship lingo. (i.e. going on a date isn't dating. wtf?!) Anyway....all this to say that I'm not sure there's anything anyway, but nevertheless, I often times wish guys and girls weren't so different in their approach to relationships. Things get hella confusing and it's ridiculous.

Ridiculous.

On the unconfusing other hand, I got the missions internship at Cornerstone Church! This is so exciting!! I feel like I should be compiling a 'Christian' resume - something that I can give to missions organizations that say my missions related experience and classes and whatnot. Good idea? Bad idea? Cause there's a lot I'd like to use on a resume, but don't feel like it's appropriate for a Professional resume. Make sense?

And also, there's a new addition to my face. If you've seen it, don't tell Mom or Dad. :D

IIIIIIIII've got a mac! Woot! Seriously, I love this thing. I feel very cool. :)

Today was the first day of classes. I'm even less enthused now than I was before. My classes are going to be so dull. Ugh! Just this one semester, and we're done. I can totally do this.

It's funny though - I went into what I thought was my religion class, sat down, and realized the class had been changed to "classical studies". Of what? Archeology. Greek archeology. Oh my word... Just reading the syllubus was enough to make me panic! "Study archeology data, make deductions about the data, and facilitate discussions about those conclusions."

...what?

Needless to say, I'm dropping the course and trying to find another. If you remember and want to pray big, pray I find a 11-12 class or a 12-1 class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday that fulfills my global perspectives requirement. I need that class to graduate this December!!

Things are still looking up everywhere though! Jodi was amazing and gave me verses to meditate on and pray over. I love how seeking Him brings immediate relief! What was once something that I was fully freaking out about became something that I can practice faith and trust. He's provided so many times for me, why not now?

I also adore the movie Pride and Prejudice. Kiera Knightly is ridiculously beautiful.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm gonna soak up the suuuuuuuun

Quite literally. Soaked it all into my backside. Woot. We're at the itchy peeling stage. Very hot. :)

Oo! I went to Sonic for the first time! I was craving a burger so I got the super-Sonic artery-clogging double cheeseburger. Never had the ketchup-mustard-mayo combo on a burger before. Very interesting. Hard to finish. So worth it.

Still feeling chill about 'the big unknown', surprisingly. God's been good, and He's giving me a peace that's totally uncharacteristic of me (in this situation). I'm hoping things will stay this way. I suppose this is kind of up to me? (staying faithful and trusting God will take care of everything)

Let's see... I have my own couch and chair now! Thank you, Frederiksen Court and your never ceasing need to renovate apartments! So come this December when I am graduated and no longer living in university-owned apartments, I'll at least have a couch to sleep on! (The details on the apartment and job to pay for the apartment are still in the grey (or black) area)

I'm excited for school to start, only because I can't wait for it to finish. BUT I am thoroughly excited about what Cornerstone is doing this Fall and I am SO excited to be a part of what's going on!

If you may remember, I made a resolution to meet someone new every week. Well, this summer, I may have slacked, but I have made up for it in the past 2 weeks. People I've met? Melinda, Jill, Vanessa, Junko, Steve, Lydia, Karli, Samatha, Amy, Bonnie, Scott, Colin, Jacob, James, Norman, Jonas, and Meghan. I think that might be it... Maybe a few more. :) I looooove meeting more people!

New Post!

I love that, even when I'm not completely faithful, God blesses the attempts I make and give me joy beyond description. I've made it more of a priority to get into the Word on a daily basis and praying whenever I recall something that needs prayer (even if I pray several times a day about the same thing), and though it seems like my efforts are minuscule right now, God's been so amazing in helping keep my focus on Him and not on the crap (because that's what it is right now) around me. So much is not going my way right now, but I've got complete joy and peace in Him because my focus is on the eternal.

It's funny to see how Satan keeps trying to trip me up (see below), and several times the past few days, I've realized an attack coming from him and (hopefully) laughed in his face. Things are SO much easier to deal with when I recognize the source!

So funny story -
On Friday, I got home from work and turned off my car, pulled my keys from the ignition, and started to get out of my car. And my car starts on it's own. Well, tries to, really. The starter just wouldn't turn off! I was so completely baffled and thrown off. I mean, there's NO reason why a car should start on it's own, right?! I'm calling my dad, my mom, my house, my dad again, trying to get ahold of SOMEONE who might be able to tell me what to do. Then I grow up and go to the car place on my own. On the way there, I realize my anxiety, anger, frustration, and literally laugh at loud at how easily I can be distracted from God's hand on my life. He's got it all under control, why am I freaking out so much?! The old guy fixed it for me (took off my positive battery terminal) and all better. Fingers crossed, it won't happen again (and I saved $175+). But regardless, another attack from Satan thwarted. Nice!

Aaaand my laptop is 'fixed' thanks to the amazing Drew! The issue with slowness can be resolved by adding more RAM ($20). As much as I hate my computer, I think the reason I hate it is because of it's slowness. The RAM would apparently fix that and would probably be worth the money. So it's worth of a shot!!!

Time to go do my cousin's dishes for $5. :)

To any of you who argue that country music is good... I do believe you are lairs.

Today, I had the "pleasure" of listening to a country music station for 7 hours. I heard all the sure-to-be classics, including...

"God is Great, Beer is Good, and People Are Crazy" (profound),
"Beer Gut" (after the hit "Honky Tonk Badonka Donk", why not complete the mental image of the girl and throw on a protruding, beer induced belly? Classy.), and
"Big Green Tractor" (who's lyrics included something along the lines of "Ride with me on my big green tractor, I don't care where we go, as long as I'm with you". Mmm....I'd rather walk. And seeing as you're riding a big green tractor, probably without you.)

I didn't catch the title, but I'm PRETTY confident I heard the lyric "we'll mosey out the door and make love". Um...

Needless to say, after hearing "Beer Gut" for the third time, I begged the women I was working with to change the station because I didn't know whether to laugh (because of the ABSURD lyrics) or cry (because I felt myself getting stupider by the second).

I'm not exaggerating about any of that.

My friends, I am not a country girl at heart. Blah. Ya'll can keep your twang and banjo.

Paige, promise me you won't live and breath country music when you move south and develop your southern belle accent complete with a porch, rocking chair, sweet iced tea, fried chicken (recipe from Paula Dean's cookbook), and the dozen other things we discussed but can't recall at the moment.

Gah, I hate it when I have so much I want to blog about but when I sit down, I never remember what it is. Completely frustrating. I'm thinking bullets for this post, yes?

• "The roommate" is moving out on August 8th, we think. Yess!!!
• I love it when I am approached repeatedly to play frisbee! At the park, when one friend left (while we were playing), another would come. I played frisbee all freaking night!!!
• I also love the band Reilly. They're kind of incredible, and may be the soundtrack to my life currently.
• I am so unfaithful and undeserving. But God blesses me and allows me to bless, and I'm so completely grateful for that! I need to do better. I need to make this relationship top priority, and honestly, this is something that's hard for me-I'm distracted easily. Way way too easily...
• I adore clean apartments. I have SUCH an appreciate for them now!!!
• Blue Like Jazz (check) Captivating (check) Love and Respect (in progress and if you EVER plan on being married, this book should be a prerequisite. Incredible. Thanks, Paige, for the recommend) Living Life On Purpose (finally found it yesterday, will be finishing soon) Irresistable Revolution (I'll start it when I receive it from my cousin)
• It's really hard to see someone disappointed and there's nothing you can do to comfort them. I want to reach out and say something, but there's little I can say or do to remove the feeling of failure. :(

On another note, I feel I have the gift of discernment. I feel like I am able to see when Satan is attacking and see through his lies (for the most part). The really irritating thing is when he uses truth and twists it into lies. Unfortunately for me, Satan feeds me those lies, and when I recognize him working in my friends' lives, I want desperately to grab them and show them what's going on, but I'm afraid I'll either come across as a crazy person (paranoid by demons) or I'll be given the look that says, "Duh! It's kind of obvious, isn't it? Thanks for the 'help'." Either way, the general message is "Don't share!" And, because he always makes things so believable, it's hard not to listen. So, at the risk of sounding crazy or obvious, I'll share.
(PS, I think stress is the same way - Satan distracting us from what really matters. I'm not preaching from a pulpit though - I'm just as guilty and continually fall prey to Satan's traps)

I really suck at Spider Solitaire.

So, now that I've gone home and shown my parents, I feel I can share my news (not that it's big or anything): I got my tragus pierced. I fully expected them to not like it (they've always been against 'rebellious' things, and I assumed that included any piercings you couldn't get at Claire's). Reactions?

-Jenny thought I was pointing to my ear because she thought I was talking on the phone.
-Lauren thinks I'm turning into a hard core punk girl and I'll never be the same. (as if piercings change your personality)
-Mom immediately thought of how it's going to appear to potential employers (assuming my two-toned hair doesn't turn them off first...) and forbid me to get another. (I want another.)
-Dad was just grateful I didn't get my tongue pierced (guess the lip ring is out...)
-Amber says only lesbians have their tragus pierced. But after thinking a bit, decided maybe she'll get her's done too (after she does some internet research to reassure herself - she'll get back to me)
-Kimberly noticed and was excited for me - she suggested getting another (the one I want to get)
-A handful of people thought it was cool
-Other than that, no one else really cares (didn't think they would)

Kinda hurts like crap sometimes. No pain, no gain though. And my piercer (Church) was really nice - I think I'll go back to her again.

The family went for another bike ride again today - 20 miles this time. About 4 miles in, I fell down. It's kinda a long story, so I'll just say I slowed to a stop but didn't put my feet down on the ground and the bike tipped over onto a nice cushiony pile of rocks and gravel. Tractors and ice cold cokes may have been involved.

I have yet to play frisbee. (Maybe I can get my dad to?)

I'm still not fully back yet

I am:
*utterly
*completely
*totally
*100%
exhausted.

But I had an AMAZING week last week.

The sad thing is no one cares to hear.

So you, lucky reader, get to hear all. Or a lot. Or maybe just a few pieces. I am quite sleepy...
(I considered not writing until I was fully awake. But that wouldn't be nearly as entertaining, now would it?)

Cornerstone Festival is frickin' amazing. I have no idea how the crap I have not gone until this year. And yes, you can say, "The people you go with can make the festival fun or not," but you'd be false. In my opinion, the festival rocks regardless of who you're with. I'd go back next year even if no one else did.

Awesome:
*fighting demons and weeping at the love of God while walking in the rain after a hard day of feeling rejected
*hearing Deas Vail and then getting a Deas Vail frisbee!!! (yeeeessssss!!)
*walking through the mud with bare feet
*hearing some incredible bands who have not made it big yet, but I'm sure they will
*hanging out in the mosh pit for Underoath (barefoot, mind you. my feet have a purplish hue now. it's not a punch to the back of the head (nearly happened) but I'll take what I can get)
*working at the coffee house and serving people (I loved chatting with complete strangers)
*the incredible weather. one warm day, one rainy day, the rest was perfect!!!!
***hanging out with friends and getting to know everyone better!!

Hilarious:
*nearly getting peed on by a little kid at midnight
*whoopee cushions
*leaking tents (no one but me found this amusing at the time, so I managed to keep my amusement to myself. but really? the chances of 3 tents leaking? funny stuff.)
*Walt drop kicking the sweet iced tea
*Rich!! (pronounced Rick)
*Bawls (it's so fun to be immature...)

Seriously, good time.

In other news, I read through some of my old blogs on myspace (I'm using it now for keeping track of bands) and...um....I was crazy. Very random, quite funny sometimes, and I found myself asking (...) me why I was with him so long? (there were a couple rant blogs that I'm REALLY hoping were privatized before I deleted them) It's interesting, nonetheless, to see exactly how far I've come, how much I've grown. I'm continually shocked that I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago.

So here's to another 2 years of changing for the better! (I've certainly got a good running at it!)

Epic fail.

I could go on....Lord knows I have. But I'm worn out with my story, so we'll just say the whole deal yesterday was an epic fail and we are SO screwed if we're ever attacked. We all died yesterday. Twice.

On the plus side, I was filmed for an interview on the news.

On the down side, they used the other girls that were interviewed beside me, and skipped me.

Oh well, no matter. It wasn't really a waste of my time; it was a waste of theirs. At least we know now that better procedures need to be put into place. And they need to cooperate.

I'm going to run to the grocery store soon and then head to bed. It's another early morning for me, and then I'm heading home for Father's day. :D Love you, dad!!

Small world!!

So I'm doing this role play crisis thing for the next few days. I get all done up with incredibly realistic wounds and I have to be saved by Iowa's first responders and the National Guard. You want me to play the 'damsel in distress' (with a bone sticking out of her leg because of an open fracture)? Hella yes.

So today we had orientation for the whole shpeel. I sat next to this nice looking girl and we chatted for a bit. Since we're both in the same group, we exchanged names and phone numbers. Then we sat there for the next 5 minutes thinking to ourselves, "Hmm....Lampe/Henderson sounds so familiar..." Turns out our dads worked together in Waverly and she was really good friends with my sister. We had fun making fun of the people who asked the same question over and over again.

"So what are we supposed to bring? Do I need an extra pair of clothes? What time do we need to be there? Can I bring my fanny pack?" All legitamate questions (other than the fanny pack question - fanny packs are SO out of style), but it gets ridiculous when the same 5 people keep asking the same 4 questions. Listen people!!

Anyway, I'm putting in 19 hours of playing the victim tomorrow. It'll be fun, but very very long. I'll be keeping my NoDos pills close by. Phfew!!

Yes, Gnarls Barkley, that does make you crazy

It's been a while, and a lot has gone on. Makes it hard to actually write. I'll never remember everything...

Panera still hates me, so I kept looking for jobs. And after a month of having no source of income or anything to do (because astonishingly, I got NOTHING accomplished, other than 20-25 applications), I found a job! I'm working full time at a bakery with plenty of overtime. So much overtime, that the weekend can't come quick enough! This week, we made 33,000 dinner rolls, 5,000 flatbread, and 7,000 bread bowls. Ridiculous. I dream about weighing dough now, no joke. This job is an answer to prayer, and a miracle too - I didn't think it would be possible to earn enough money in a matter of weeks to pay my bills for June, and I had said it would take a miracle to do so. God came through though! And I really couldn't be more grateful! Exhausted, but incredibly grateful!

I love the women I work with too - they're so fun and have a great sense of humor. But they are so lost too. Several of them, if not all of them, have a boyfriend/son/husband who was or currently are in prison. Not surprisingly, these imprisoned significant others don't treat these women like they should - doing drugs, verbal abuse, cheating with other women... And even with all of this, the women I work with adore these guys, despite being hurt by them. It's so sad - but I've got plenty to pray about while I work.

Prior to the job, I finished a few books! (Big accomplishment!!) I read Captivating again (good book!), finished Mere Christianity (probably one of my favorites now), and Just Do Something (I highly recommend it!!). I'm now reading Blue Like Jazz again and Redeeming Love. On the list is the book Jordan recommended (can't remember the name, it's too long. But it's in my cell phone!) and Love & Respect. I'm hoping to get all these done before the summer is finished! I'd forgotten how much I love to read!

Things are going better with my roommate too - it's taken a while, but she's becoming more respectful of my sleep time. I'm not ready to give up the ear plugs yet, but at least she's taking her phone calls to China in the living room and not in our bedroom at 2am. That's a huge improvement!

I love reconnecting with friends!! For real, it's amazing to know how much you're cared for (huge hugs when you see someone you haven't seen in a while are amazing!!). Hugs are always very acceptable. :)

Well, it's time to go fix some clothes and blankets. I've got a couple skirts that need to be taken in (yay for losing weight!) and I want to make a cover for my down blanket. Thanks for your sewing machine, mom!!

You're ridiculous.

But I'm probably more ridiculous for reasons far too many to list here.

It's been bugging me lately that my pinky that I broke in high school isn't straight. My hands aren't symmetric anymore. Granted, they haven't been for 5 years, but it bothers me more now. There isn't anything I can do about it though, short of rebreaking it and taking it to a DECENT doctor who can fix it straight. (The break didn't hurt that much the first time. I laughed the entire time. How bad could it be now?)

The job search continues. In case I haven't asked yet, if any of you know of any place hiring, please hook me up. I'm 4 weeks without a job now, and buying my food with blood money. (If that doesn't cry desperate, I don't know what does)

Speaking of jobs, WTF is up? (frick, not that other naughty f-word I can't bring myself to say or type) Since when did businesses start hiring people who don't care about customers, haven't handed cash transactions, and don't want to serve or work hard for their money?

Not to say I have seen these people in these businesses, but they sure aren't hiring the people who do have a great work history and ethic, have dealt with cash like it's play money, and desire to serve the customer (aka, me).

I'm still trusting, I'm praying, I know God will come through. I don't know His plan, I don't know what He's teaching me (other than patience, faith, trust, perserverance, humility, and a focus on Him - I'm clueless otherwise), but I know He has a purpose for this period of hard times for me.

In closing, I would like to say just how terrible it feels to get flat out rejected by a computer application. You spend 45 minutes giving your typical info, you answer all their questions, and then at the end of it all, you apparently don't qualify for a cashier job even though you've been doing that kind of work for 8 years.

It's almost as bad as being rejected because you don't like someone's beady little eyes, nasty hair swoop, and stupid little hip dance. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now. ;)

Hm.... it's been a while.

The past week hasn't been all that good, and I'm afraid I've been venting (possibly complaining) to probably too many of you. I am really sorry - I don't mean to be a 'debby downer'. If things aren't going well and you ask me how I am or what's going on, I'm liable to spill everything. I probably shouldn't (no one needs to hear all my problems) but I hate giving the automatic "I'm good, everything's great" answer. Blah.

Things are really rough right now, but I'm trying to keep everything in perspective. I've been incredibly blessed with family and friends who are both supportive and helpful.

Oh my word, Prince is... oh wow. Um....is he...? she? I'm really confused. Falsetto voice, heavy eye makeup (and not in that emo, I'm wearing eyeliner way), feminine stage presence, and yet, a very obvious nasty mustache.

Sorry, never seen him before and he's on Jay Leno tonight. Whoa.

Apparently, I'm a pro at mudding drywall. Woot! I've been helping dad finish the basement, so it's been fun hanging out with him, learning how to do some eletrical work and how to drywall. It was funny though; I put on my ipod and asked him what he wanted to listen to. He claimed, "No music is bad music!" Okaaay... I put all my music on shuffle, so he heard everything from classical music to hardcore screaming music. He doesn't hold the same belief anymore. :)

I was going to write a good blog.

And then I found out I'm missing out on an amazing dinner in Newton - probably one of my favorites. French dip sandwiches.

I have no more motivation to write a blog, despite having a strong urge 5 minutes ago. I'll give it a shot though.

I'm going to finish my books that are half read. FINALLY finished Mere Christianity today after 3 years and several attempts to start it. Live Life On Purpose by Claude Hickman is next. After that, I have about a dozen books to choose from. Mark my words, they will get finished.

I got a job. Panera. They gave me a 10 cent raise. Woo. I only have one day next week to work, so looks like my vacation is extended a week. I can deal with that... That means more reading and helping Jodi in the office.

Speaking of Jodi, she suggested I fill out the preliminary application online which I am currently in the process of doing. In theory, I could have the entire process move quickly and be eligible to start soon after I graduate. But having filled out 10 applications on Wednesday, I'm pretty worn out from the whole 'giving an accurate work history' thing. They ask for the past 10 years worth of employment. Are you serious? I haven't been working that long, but I've got probably 13 jobs under my belt so far? (In my defense, we move a lot and at times, I worked 4 jobs at one time. So eat it.) And this is just the preliminary form. Apparently the 'real application' is a doozie. If I set aside all weekend and work on it, I can finish a small chunk. Holy crap, this is going to be rough. Worth it, but it will be rough. =/

Should have layed out chicken breasts for supper. Could have marinated them. Dang.

~awkward silence~

Clearly, I have a lot to say. I'm going to go now.

More options, better ideas of what may lie ahead, while some other areas remain completely in the dark. One day at a time....one day at a time. (If you have an option for me, now's the time to give it)

Molly's gone for the summer, and in her bed where she's supposed to sleep is an international student. It's much MUCH different living with a chinese girl than just being friends with one. Our living habits, sleeping habits and eating habits are all soooo different. (I've never seen someone sleep till 3 pm on a regular basis!) Today she was really cute though - she started watching tv and turned the channel to the Spanish station. I had to giggle...I'm not sure she knew. It was pretty cute. :) Tomorrow, we get to tackle her online classes and I'm making a few phone calls for her so we can get some stuff straightened out.

My applications are out, I feel like I've done all I can do. I spend quite literally all day applying to various jobs whether it be food service, retail, banking, or CPA firms. I've got two probable jobs, but if I get any of the other 'higher position' jobs, I'd take them instead. (it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I'd rather work for US Bank than be a hostess for Carlos O'Kelly's)

I'm hoping 'things' are figured out soon, although I have a feeling that they won't be for a long while. Hopefully, it's not indefinitely. God will reveil His plan on His timing. It's time to practice patience. ~sigh~ It'll always be time to practice patience.

It's been a while...

God's still moving and I'm still changing. Again. (The fact that I keep repeating my blog title in normal conversation with people is getting annoying. I didn't realize how true it was going to be!!)

No CPA for me! After MUCH prodding, I realized that the only reason I was getting my CPA was because I had received that scholarship and thought that was what God wanted. But I have NEVER wanted my CPA! In fact, up until I got the scholarship, I was adamant about not getting it. I just didn't see it in my future plans (of course, none of my original future plans have worked out...). So it begged the question: why would God have me do something I've never wanted to do? (Speaking, of course, outside the realm of His commandments) It didn't make sense to sacrifice all the work, school, and money for something I have absolutely no desire for. In addition, the only reason I would have the CPA is for the title; most get their CPA for the money, but as far as I know, there isn't much of a chance in raking in the cash while working within missions.

Admittedly, I feel like I have to defend myself on this, though no one is attacking me for my decision. Maybe it's the "oh, I see you're changing your plans AGAIN, eh?" look I get. Or maybe it's just me being overly-defensive.

But I digress.

There's no need for extra school, so I get to graduate in December 2009 again!! I can't tell you how good it feels!! I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! It will be kind of sad - this chapter of my life is FINALLY ending (I never thought I would be going to school with Shane who is 5 years younger than me), and I'll officially be one of those grown up people with a real job - a REAL person, if you will.

In other brief news:
*I flexed my management muscles once again and feel VERY good about the end result
*I have no work and no school for the next week: I plan on investing my time in biking, reading, listening to music, socializing, and looking for a full time job
*I get to visit with my missions mentor on Wednesday! Sooooo excited! (no offense, Jordan. :))
*I'm home in Newton for the next day or two, spending time with the family. Today we hiked through the timber in our backyard and ended up mushroom hunting. I hate mushrooms, and ironically, found the most.
*My feet are cold.
*I frickin' love worshiping.
*My little sister is way way better than me on guitar. And that kinda bums me out. I've been practicing so hard...

It's time for a delicious supper of chicken lips, fried morel mushrooms, and smores with a campfire. Woot!! (I love coming home!!)

Guys. Seriously. My friends rock my face off. On a regular basis.

I turned 23 this past Tuesday - feels old to me because I'm surrounded by young-uns (at work, in class, at SALT, you name it). But it's so awesome to look back to last year and see how far I've come.

After surrendering everything to God last March, I've been under constant construction. There have been times where I've fallen back, but God is so amazing and faithful and continues to draw me closer and closer to Him. I'm craving Him now more than I have in so so long! I desire to live for Him and let Him bless me (since His plan is so much better than anything I could have ever figured out).

And I never thought being single could have done what it has for me (if that makes any sense at all...). I've grown so much the past year, becoming my own person, discovering what I like and what I desire in life and where I struggle the most. Throughout it all, it's so good to know that God's totally doing it all and showing me what He wants me to become and rejoicing with me on our journey! And while I struggle sometimes with my "relationship status", I've become content with where I am and I'm enjoying my season of singleness. Looking at couples like Paige and Todd, and LisaGrace and Brian, it's so much easier to put everything in perspective and say, "Yeah, I could wait for a love like that. It's so worth it!" So thank you, guys!

And speaking of good friends, I absolutely adore all of mine! This past birthday was so amazing - probably one of the best I've had (no joke!). I became a full-fledged grown up this year and worked my entire birthday (till midnight) so party plans were near non-existant, or so I thought. Turns out, my roommates were planning a surprise birthday party for me after SALT on Thursday. Totally blew me away - I had no idea! I'm so grateful and blessed for the relationships and friendships God has surrounded me with this past year!

This next year offers so much opportunity! I've got an internship with the State Fire Marshal (few days a week) that will give me some pretty awesome experience. This fall, I'll be helping Jodie in the missions office and getting more exposure to missions in the church. I plan on seeking more ways to serve within Cornerstone in the next year as well.

I'm so excited for what God has for me! I'm so grateful for His plan and purpose! Life would be so meaningless and directionless without Him.

I've had a pretty great past few months, but last week was pretty freakin' awesome.

Monday, I got to see the lovely Paige and hang out with her and her baby. Man, I love that kid! I forgot how much I love that baby smell! I had some great conversations with Paige too. We need to do that more often!!!

Tuesday, we went to see STOMP! If you EVER have the chance to see them, please go! They were amazing! The 90 minute show was sooo entertaining!

Forward on to Friday (not to say Wednesday and Thursday sucked because they didn't; just nothing noteworthy)! I met some people from SALT Co., and we played frisbee on central campus for an hour and a half. I LOOOOVE frisbee so much! Seriously! We had a blast and are going to play every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at noon. I'm so excited! A few hours after that, I was given a full body massage for free (!!!!) <--my first! It was so amazing! I'm grateful for it too, because if it hadn't been for the massage, I would have been a lot sorer on Saturday than I was! That night, I went to the VEISHEA concerts. Most of the people playing were local bands, and surprisingly, we have some pretty awesome musicians! RED played after the battle of the bands and they were pretty amazing too! I ended up with 2 cds and plan on getting a third. Without me knowing it (with the exception of RED), they're all Christian musicians! Score! I'm really excited about all of them!

Needlesstosay, I'm pretty worn out. This week should be fairly uneventful, thankfully. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some things done and other things started. Here's to a (hopefully) productive week!!

20 May-Not-Knows (but probably-don't-cares)

1. When I make espresso drinks, (especially when I'm steaming milk) I clench my jaw. I'm concentrating so hard on steaming the milk just right that I unconsciously clench my jaw. I just discovered this yesterday.

2. I've been formulating this list for the past few days. But I know for a fact that I am going to struggle with coming up with 20 may-not-knows about me. It's one of those things...when you're trying to remember something really hard, you'll never remember it. But 3 days later, you'll be like, "What?! I could have TOTALLY used that and it would have been awesome!!" I have these moments often.

3. I apparently know accounting better than I know God. I can articulate accounting procedures like it's no one's business. But when it comes to describing the things of God, I'm at a complete loss. I can explain my passion and love for God, but I'm not sure many would understand. This terrifies me.

4. Thankfully, Perspectives has given me a hunger that leaves me wanting to know more and more. I've been craving deep conversations lately - something much deeper than the superficial materialistic conversations I've been having as of late. It's hard to get into a deep conversation though. (I've always considered myself blunt, but saying "Let's talk deep stuff" doesn't seem like it would be an effective conversation starter) I do plan on taking an Apologetics and Theology course through Salt next year. I really can't wait!!

5. My last semester at ISU is going to consist of graduate accounting courses; I'm an undergraduate. It's going to be awesome.

6. This is probably more obvious (if you know me well): I'm passionate. When I love, I love big. When I'm excited, I'm very giddy. When I'm stressed or upset, it's definitely evident; I crash hard. (my blogs are an example of this. When God is moving in my life, I'm way pumped. But when things don't work out, I get frustrated and stressed. Usually, it's only the small things that do this to me.)

7. That being said, I have an unusually odd ability to accept really hard things. I'm not sure if it's just my philosphy at life (which I wasn't quite aware that I had) or a God given ability, but I don't get weighed down by the things in this world. Yes, saying goodbye to Jess at the airport was hard, but I clearly didn't take it as hard as mom and Lauren (Jess, I love you dearly, I know you know that.). I guess I have an easier time understanding and accepting that there's little I can do to change things. I've also considered the possibility that God is changing what breaks my heart. But whatever the reason may be, I am able to move on from difficult situations with an odd ease and sense of understanding.

8. Jeska, this one goes back to your honest post. My chance to be 100% honest. Other than when I was a kid just sharing what I learned at church, I really haven't witnessed to anyone. I tried once and ended up having the Gospel shoved back down my throat (the guy I was talking to was a religion major from a liberal college and made it a hobby to intentionally catch Christians with some difficult questions and made fools of them). Needless to say, he knocked the wind out of my sails and I've been afraid to share since. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem sharing my faith and what I plan on doing for Him outside of graduation. But I cannot present the Gospel; I feel like I don't know enough. (Actually, now that I think about it, a few mormons did this to me as well...)

9. I have the worst time ever when it comes to finishing books. I get just a few chapters from the end, and I cannot finish it, no matter how good the book is. If I were to just sit down and finish all the books I'm nearly done reading, I would probably read at least half a dozen to a dozen books in one day. I'm honestly that bad.

10. I have filled out 3 applications to audition for singing on the worship team. I have yet to audition because I can't bring myself to turn in the application.

11. It's 2 am and I'm obsessed with finishing this thing because I hate quitting when things are half done. I'd rather sit down, finish it all in one shot and go than to take several stabs at it. I feel like, more than likely, every subsequent time that I sit down to work on it, the finished product will become more and more mediocre. (So why on earth did I decide to start writing this at 1 am?!)

12. I. Hate. Clothes shopping. I may be the only female on the earth who loathes this activity to the very core of her being, but I'll stand by my word. Nothing will put me in a worse mood than shopping for hours and ending up with minimal or no purchases. The only thing that will counteract the absolute disdain for these outtings is my mom. I swear, the woman can make a fun affair of going to the dentist. (Oddly, she has. Twice.)

13. I don't care what all of you say, my dad is the best. If I need wisdom, guidance, an extra $20 for gas, or a just really good talk, I can go to him. And not many dads will still take their daughter out on a 'daddy-daughter date' when she's about to turn 23. I'm seriously looking forward to tomorrow with amazing anticipation!!

14. Definitely not as interesting, but I have an eye twitch. It's incredibly annoying! When my eyes get tired, my left eye will twitch incessently. It's apparently not noticable to anyone else, but I can definitely feel it and I feel like I look like one of those crazed cartoons right before they flip out.

15. I think I could sleep for 24 hours in any particular day. It may not be deep REM sleep all day, but I could definitely stay in bed semi-conscious for 24 hours. Perhaps I'll try this someday. (Not likely though)

16. I am slowly perfecting my slow pour for latte art. I think it's the first step! (After learning to pour only as much milk as you need and foaming it just right so you don't have too much foam but enough to create a design...) I think all I need to do is learn how to move the stream in such a way to create a design. By the way, I made a heart last week! It was amazing!! The customer took it before I had a chance to take a picture though. :(

17. I often have conversations in my head; not necessarily with myself, but with other people. See, I anticipate situations that may occur with different people and will enact the conversation that ensues. If I'm not feeling particularly creative, I'll reenact a conversation that I've had in the past. If you ever catch me in one of these conversations (because I do actually mumble them out loud...it's not in my head), please don't think I'm a crazy. I'm just bored. Pretend you didn't notice.

18. There's a reason why I wear mostly t-shirts and jeans (not just for comfort). I can be extremely self-conscious sometimes.

19. I know it's a part of life, but I have a very hard time seeing friends 'move on' and grow apart. It's hard to believe that someone I shared so much with can just move on and have no desire to see me again. (I don't mean for this to sound prideful or selfish like I'm someone who deserves to have everyone's love and attention. It's just hard not to see a desire to meet up with someone being reciprocated.)

20. There's no twenty. I'm going to bed. :P

So the guy driving the short bus picked me up today to take me home.
...

My summer is still up in the air. Grrr... I hate this.

And I was totally cool. Things were falling together, good news all around, no problems.

Nope, not anymore.

The questions I thought I had answered are no longer answered and while I'm definitely not back to square one, it seems I've taken a few steps back.

Sure, I'll probably have answers next week. But next week is so far away. Meanwhile, I get to be confused and unsure of where the next step is. Rawr.

thinking...

I don't normally type blogs like this (mostly because I don't feel like I have the authority to), but I really liked what a friend said yesterday. (These are also my musings on her quote and are not backed by anything but my thoughts)

I was talking about how I didn't really know where I would be in the next year and how moving somewhere unfamiliar can leave one with so many fears and uncertainties that they would rather just stay where they are than risk failure (especially if they're a planner like I am). Or how someone may not be sure of where God wants them or what His will is for them at this point so they stay.

She passed on a quote from her wise grandmother to me: "God can't move a parked car."

She explained: When we remain where we are because we're paralyzed by fear or we're unsure of where God wants us, we're that parked car. We need to keep moving forward; that way God can direct us to where we need to be. If we're going the wrong direction, He can point us in the right one. If we're on the right path, He can provide us with a peace that assures us we're in His will. But if we remain where we are, unmoving, we can't led.

Of course, there are times God wants us to remain where we are. During those times, we often do not have a feeling an anxiety that prompts us to question where we are in life. But I can't deny the fact that sometimes we still feel a degree of uneasyness. God often tells me to "Wait," or "Be still," when I start feeling antsy with where I am.

But if there's a voice in the back of our minds challenging our reasons for staying where we are or a nagging feeling that God wants us somewhere else, then it may be time to move. We may not know where to go, but once we start moving, God can and will direct us to where He wants us to go.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how to reconcile the different between our feeling the need to move and God saying "Wait", and that nagging suspicion that we're not where we should be (and not hearing anything from God). Maybe the difference is what we desire and what God desires. When God says, "Wait, not yet," perhaps we're acting on our own desires to move. But when we're feeling called to something greater and are held back by fear or simply not knowing where to start - well, maybe that desire to move was placed in us by God.

Feel Free To Challenge This - It's Something I'm Still Thinking Through Too. I'd Love Feedback!!

My sincere apologies, Paige; the ban does indeed include all varieties of walking tacos, not just ones with fritos. I gave them another shot (several, in fact), and they have continued to let me down. "Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three." (Quiz: What The Office episode is that from? NO GOOGLING!!)

Day one of hellish exams is over with! Surprisingly, I think they went well. One exam tomorrow with plenty of time to prep, and 2 days to finish up Perspectives; we should be in good shape!

Highlights of the week thus far:

• Stepping down from the secretary position in SIFE. Yay extra 1.5 hours a week!!
• Nearly making Lauren punch herself in the face (would have been more funny if she had followed all the way through)
• Seeing Lauren get terribly embarrassed after having been given a dose of her own medicine (she people watches and was caught by someone who wagged his eyebrows at her with a ridiculous grin on his face)
• Making a vegetarian eat meat
• Getting to see Jess and Mike off to Japan on Wednesday - very sad to see them go, but they're going to have an amazing time! I'm excited for the ditzy Jess stories!!
  
• ....

Ok, I swear there's more. But I forget. This week has had a tremendous amount of highlights. It probably tops VH1's "Best Week Ever!" - not that I've ever seen it...

~Disclaimer~ It looks like I'm a terrible person (in my highlights) for picking on Lauren, but really, she brought it all on herself. I never actually did anything to her.

If anyone can direct me to some nice stationary (for writing Jess in Japan), you may get a letter in the mail yourself! (incentives....) Hobby Lobby is out - they've got nothing of value there. Please help!

Seriously, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now, but no. I still go back. Darn you, walking tacos with Fritos! They're great until they come back to visit a few hours later in the form of revolting burps that make you sick to your stomach. I'd say walking tacos are 'on notice', but I think a ban on all Frito-related foods would be more appropriate.

Also, Campbell's "Noodle-O's" are no substitute for chicken noodle soup when you have an upset stomach. No amount of oyster crackers will help either.

Spring break was great! I spent the first half with the family; we're still finishing up some rooms in the basement so like any other time I go home, I was put to work. It was still good to hang out with them and see them again. I end up missing them a lot after a while.

Wednesday, I left for Arkansas, and the first few hours were terrible. After locking my keys in my car for over an hour and realizing I forgot my pants in Newton, I was feeling pretty ridiculous and figured the probability of me actually making it there without any other major occurences. (Mom's "What if your car dies?!" didn't help either. The last thing I need is to be doubting my car before I drive 7 hours) I did make it there, though, with excellent gas milage (probably due to the oil change my dad made me get that was long overdue). The rest of the week went great, and I really enjoyed the time spent there. (by the by, since I found out you were reading, I have the hardest time writing now--thanks. :) but thank you, also, for the great time! you're a great host!)

This week will be very very busy. I'll really need to manage my time (and not take an hour to write a blog...) and be super-uber productive. We'll see how that goes though - apparently I have the attention span of ~trails off~....

Lies. So sad.

We left at 7 and got lost so we didn't make it to Tai Chi - no big loss though. The class consisted of a bunch of old men on those large stability balls. Instead, we used some of the weight equipment and "warmed up" on a treadmill (think very leisurely walk).

Turbo Kick wasn't too bad, but I'm not a fan of punching and kicking the air (I need a body) so I don't think I'll be doing it again. About half way through, the instructor said, "Ok, when you hear the bell, we'll start the cardio!" WTF? What did we just do for the past 40 minutes!? For pete's sake!

Next up is yoga. Only it's not yoga on the schedule, it's PiYo. Cool, I can do that. Only the instructor isn't there, we have a sub. And we're doing Pilates. Crap. 45 minutes of ab work. I did about 20 minutes because I was dying. And mom was dying too, but only because she was laughing hysptiercally. She told me later she laughed so hard she nearly threw up. We were the only ones in the class, so I half expected the instructor to notice us not doing anything. If she did, she kept it to herself because she just plowed through everything. I've never been more grateful for 45 minutes to end!

Drums Alive was next; that one was pretty fun. We beat on large stability balls with drumsticks to certain beats and danced around. But after excersizing for 2 1/2 hours prior, I was a bit lack-luster in my dance moves. I was singled out. :( I'm sorry, but I've exerted more energy in the past few hours than I have in a long, long time!! My energy level has nearly been depleted!! Back off, lady.

We crossed the street to eat Subway afterwards, and halfway across, we saw a van approaching. All of us stopped dead in our tracks (in mid step) and just stared at the van with a deer-in-the-headlights look. It was hilarious--you probaby had to be there. (Especially funny if you were in the van)

We absolutely crashed on the way home and even when we got home, I was out for several hours. Then Shane and I went exploring in our 2 acres of timber behind the house. Woot!

Overall, very good day. :)

Nearly a week since my last blog! (and I've actually written 3 drafts since then, just never posted. love that feature! :))

I'm on Spring Break now, and it's weird--like a really really REALLY long weekend. I keep getting confused as to what day it is. I won't complain though! It's refreshing to not have to sit in the same room for at least 2 hours a day, sometimes 4 hours. Yuck!

It's been great hanging out with the family this weekend! We tend to keep busy so over the weekend, we managed to finish Lauren's room, thoroughly clean my car (including washing it by hand!), change oil and turning signals, evaluate the rust developing (sad), clean the house twice, take a trip back to Ames to repack, teach Lauren how to play pool, and create a large playlist on my ipod (I've been meaning to do this for a while!).

And the newly developed tradition - accompanying mom to the rec (or YMCA) for classes. Tomorrow, I've got 5 in a row: TaiChi, Turbo Kick, Yoga, Drums Alive, and Core Training. Thankfully, at least 2 don't require heavy workouts, but we have to leave at 6:45 to get there on time. I guess I'm making up for lost time (since I haven't been getting up early lately so no excersize. I really should, I know. :( ). Should be fun. Mom always enjoys making fun of how out of shape I'm in. She'll have plenty of amo tomorrow.

Looking forward to the rest of the week! It will be very relaxing to be out of school and away from related activities!! Far, far away. =D (cookies will be involved!)

i do NOT have a problem.

Last night, my computer preformed an intervention on me. When I left my computer to get ready for bed, it somehow pulled up this site.

Needless to say, I didn't respond well and exited the room screaming those Christian profanities you only hear when blinding anger has taken over (because I knew I had been caught). A few minutes later, I entered again and showed my computer who's boss by closing the browser.

We'll see who gets the last word in.

(I need to get out more.)

no. way.

First off, God is so freaking awesome; He rocks my face off!!!

As I said before, I'm getting my CPA and working in missions. To actually receive the certification, you have to work with a public accounting firm (AEGON, Deloitte & Touche, Earnst & Young, ect) for 2 years. As disappointing as it was, I would have to delay entering the mission feild for 3 years. Sucks, much.

HOWEVER, it's been brought to my attention that as long as I work under a CPA (which may be a little difficult to find in a not-for-profit organization, but still very possible), this 2 year experience requirement is fulfilled.

Really? Seriously? It's going to be that easy?

God, you ROCK!!!

I need to make a couple phone calls to verify all this and ask a few other questions (whether the CPA is transferable across state lines), but if the CPA advisor at ISU is correct, I'm good to go!!

(This does mean, however, that I won't be able to pay off student loans in 1 year. Big bummer.)

Disclaimer:
My apologies for the uninteresting posts (I'm sure you're not all as excited about CPA certification rules and regulations as I am). It's kinda what I'm pumped up about the most, so it's hard to think about anything else at this point! I'll keep my eyes peeled for anything interesting or quirky to write about. I AM paying attention though; the lack of comments IS telling me something!

Feeling random tonight

I'm in the mood to tell an amusing story.

When we lived in Independence, we had a closed stairway that turned at the top and went up about 4 more steps. We (us kids and my dad) had a game: he would stand at the bottom of the steps and throw balls up the stairwell at us as we would jump down off the landing to where he could see us. Essentially, we were target practice and we would get nailed with these balls flying up the stairs. We were idiots. Maybe this explains a few things about why we're the way we are.

I had the chance to hang out with my siblings yesterday. Shane's coming up to ISU on Thursday so we can figure some stuff out for him (he's attending in the fall!) and we're going to play frisbee on central campus with Jess' husband too. It's going to be amazing. Anyway, Jess and Shane were talking about how I'm a completely different person when I play frisbee, and Shane, mimicking me, throws a Hercules pose (squats and points in the distance) and yells, "Throw the frisbee over there!!!" Nice. Thanks Shane. :)

My jam packed day just became less jam packed! My cousin, realizing just how tired she was, decided that maybe we shouldn't go out tonight (considering tomorrow is Daylight Savings Time and we lose an hour). Agreed! So I'm watching the newly spayed Panther (complete with neck-cone!) for her, and chilling out with Perspectives. Should be a good night. :)

I think I just might make this a 5-minute-blog blog. It seems to be that this is all I have time for lately!! (could be fun to see how much I can pack into such a small time...and how fast I can type!)

Awesome news! After much frustration at lack of communication and answers, the PRESIDENT of Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability contacted me and gave me a few answers and referred me to one of his CPAs that works in the ministry. After a few emails back and forth (they've been great at answering my questions!), I've decided to follow their advice and pursue my CPA!! It's so great having motivation for classes. After 5 years, I've been beginning (or already was) getting way tired of the monotomy, but now that I've found my purpose, things have a different light and I have new motivation to do well and keep working at it! It's no longer "the thing to do" anymore and that feeling is amazing!

Also, I've been reading more and more books lately (which is amazing in and of itself!). I used to never be able to get through one of those "spiritual books" because it put me to sleep. That, and I couldn't handle the conviction. But now, I can't get enough of it and I have a greater desire to learn and gain more knowledge. I'm loving Mere Christianity (CS Lewis) and am in the middle of and plowing through Living Life On Purpose by Claude Hickman. I can't wait to get through all my books on my shelf! (One would think I'm well read, seeing the titles on the shelf, but the truth is I've barely touched any of them and that's a generous description!)

All in all, I'm inspired, I'm loved, and I'm so happy right now! (And I'm LOVING Perspectives!!)

Another 5 minute blog!! Cause I love you all that much....

I've changed my mind. Tuesdays are rough (because of work ALL DAY), but they are definitely good days. The people I work with (at both locations) are awesome and we have a great time.

Lately we've been trying to peg personalities (like, "[Lauren], you look like a cowgirl" or [Ben], you're definitely frat."), and today I was told I look like a singer/camper. Odd combination, but I loved his explaination for the singer. "It's the eyes. You have singer eyes. They just sparkle and I know if you were in the spotlight, they'd dazzle."

*blushes*

Dazzle? Mm.... The quote, "Do I dazzle you? [reply] Frequently." comes to mind.

I do believe he made my night. :D

Ok, I am psychotic (to answer my question from the previous post). Seriously, I'm spasing out waaaay too much about this.

A series of unfortunate events may result in me being sick, and on the most unfortunate of days too! :( I stayed up talking too long on im and didn't start studying for tax exam until 12:30 and didn't finish till 3. Up at 7, and I feel like crap. It's probably one of those "lack of sleep" sicknesses I get every once in a while (at least I hope so). Just in case, I skipped Finance to go take a nap. The nap never happened, but it's amazing what closing your eyes for an hour can do for you. I'm up and ready to go to work (for the next few hours at least) and then to finish off my evening by working again at another location till 11. Man, I love tuesdays. (sarcasm doesn't come across as well over texts)

Good news! The woman from Gospel for Asia called me back today! But she couldn't answer my questions and the lady that could was out to lunch. Hopefully I get a call from her tomorrow after classes. Fingers crossed!!

5 minute blog. Time for work.

I'm feeling better this week than I did last week (in terms of the angst my distressed soul was experiencing). I think I may have found the direction I need to go, but there are still a few things I need to pin down before I make an absolute decision.

One thing still bothers me though (forgive me for being vague).

I was so sure 2 weeks ago and everything was fantastic! I felt great and seemed to not have a care in the world. Then the picture changed and now I'm feeling nearly the opposite of what I felt oh-so-seemingly long ago. Am I being psychotic and psyching myself out because really, nothing is different? Or has everything changed and I'm the one left in the dark? It's been forever since I've been in this position and I don't remember what I'm supposed to do. I want desperately to move forward and (maybe too soon?) spill everything, but at the same time, I don't want to "jump the gun". I said before that I could wait, that none of this was really in my control. While that really hasn't changed, my desire for control has and I hate not knowing what's to come. It would be so much easier if everything was brought out into the open, wouldn't it?

Jeska, I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote a week ago about insecurities. I know who I am, I know God values me and loves me into eternity, but I'm insecure in how people view me. To apply that, did I come off as interesting and captivating? Or dull and monotonous enough to drive someone away. It IS hard for a personality to come through instant messenger...

I don't know....I guess I hate being stuck in one position. I want things to move forward, one way or another. I hate being still.

And then our good Lord comes down and says, "Be still," just as I write that.

The frustrating thing is that it's easy to "be still" when I'm in the Word or in a place where I'm reminded constantly of God (church). But then I have to go to my tax book to study for my exam tomorrow and all that "be still" is gone because I'm back to thinking the way I was before I was still! (not really thinking...more like obsessing. Rr, I hate obsessing!) How do I remain in God and in the Word while attempting to be a good student and study? (I assume "doing all things for the glory of God" includes being a good student and learning so I can apply the knowledge given to me for Him)

Well, time for me to attempt studying. Hope my post wasn't too obvious. :)
(And I swear, I am doing better. This was just a much needed vent.)

First of all, Jars of Clay is amazing to listen to when you're trying to contemplate life's questions. Phenomenal.

I've been doing a vast amount of journaling the past few days--more than I have in...well, for as long as I can remember. It's been amazing how much it has helped. (I've tried journaling in the past and never got anywhere really. I think it was because I was trying to make it sound good. This time, I wrote everything, whether it sounded good or bad or absolutely insane.) The questions that I had have been, at the very least, talked through and at best, worked out.

Many thanks to those I talked to last night (only one of you reads this :)) too! Your advice was amazing and will be implemented. I can't wait. :)

So, the reason for my distressed soul and jumbled thoughts?

I decided last week that I would like to use my degree (accounting) for missions whether that mean I'm going overseas and using accounting or working here in the states with a missions organization. What all that entails, I'm still not sure (looking through everything) but it's the first time I got excited about the possibilities after graduation. We are commanded throughout scripture to spread the good news of glory of God everywhere, are we not?

Good, we're agreed.

This has implications for my previous plans though: do I continue pursuing my CPA (reminder, I received a scholarship to take a CPA prep course for free....gift from God telling me where to go or Satan trying to distract me?) or forget the CPA thing and go straight into missions? Don't know!

I've decided none of this will affect my graduation date; I will still graduate next Spring with all the credits required and everything (making me CPA eligible). There are a few Accounting courses that I'd like to take that would be very helpful in the missions organization (accounting for not-for-profit organizations? very yes!!) So that won't change. But the CPA question still remains.

As for the boy I met---as much as I like him, I can't assume anything (in terms of a relationship). I'm not omnipotent and I can't see what the future holds, what God has for me. So I can only focus on the present and simply pray for Mr. Future Husband-of-Mine who chooses to remain anonymous right now.

One thing at a time. It's all I can handle, and trying to do any more will only serve to stress me out to the max rendering me useless for any extended period of time. (I'm onto your tricks, Satan! I'm figuring out how you lure me into debilitation!)

I looked back to when I made other "life altering" decisions (ISU or UofI? nursing or accounting? break up with Pax or not?) and realized that in every one of those cases, the decision I made was the one that made me feel more at peace. I felt inner turmoil with the other choice but felt comfortable with the other. So obviously, I went the peaceful route. This decision making process hasn't failed me yet, so I'll give it another go with this. But I've been stressing so much lately that all of my soul is distressed and so I've got to have some one-on-one time with God. Just Him and me, talking and straighening things out. Should be a good time! Tomorrow, I'll have my answer! ;)

Pray for me, if you can remember. I'm sure I could use all the guidance and prayer I can get. I love you all, blogland!!

Trips, Cuts, and Falls

Wow, so much has happened... So much to tell! (I already wrote a blog filling you all in on my weekend to Arkansas, but Internet died and Blog was buried with it in the backyard)

Arkansas was amazing--we went to NW Arkansas, the wealthy area (no red necks) and had a great time. It was a much needed vacation, and by the time I got back, I was VERY refreshed and ready to get back to the grind. And I met a boy. :D

Yesterday, I donated plasma and then went to get my hair cut. About an hour into the cut (she was taking her time doing my hair), I got dizzy and nauseous. When I got up to use the restroom, I blacked out, lost consciousness momentarily, and collapsed on the floor of the bathroom doorway. I've never had this happen before, and it was quite the experience. Looking back, I was more concerned about making it to the bathroom than the fact that I was no longer able to see (from blacking out). I had one destination in mind, and was determined to make it there, regardless of the fact that I had no idea what I needed to do.

If it weren't for the fact that passing out doesn't usually imply all is well with you, it would have been amazing. I do vaguely remember a woman standing over me after I fell and asking me several times if I was ok before she went and got help. And then as I'm throwing up and still dizzy and still on the floor, all the hair stylists were asking if I was ok over and over again. I wasn't sure myself, but I'm thinking that if someone is collapsed on the floor, disoriented and can't really move, she's probably not ok. :)

Turns out I was just dehydrated from donating since I hadn't eaten beforehand or drank much other than sweet tea (I'm hooked again, thanks to Arkansas). The EMTs and Parametics told me several times that I need to be more careful when donating and were definitely not amused by any jokes I tried to tell.

Needless to say, I didn't finish my haircut and currently have a "Great Clips" cut. I can't wait till we finish it--I hate it currently. :(

On an unrelated note, my big toe hurts like crazy and I can't hardly walk on it. Oh, medical ailments!

~sigh~

I got asked out today (I think). And I'm PRETTY sure it was at the encouragement of my fellow accounting friends who KNOW I am not interested. Gah!

[Male accounting friend] said the other day, "You and [this guy] should go out. You'd be good together." Yeah...until I strangle him. We've gotten into too many arguments and I know I wouldn't get along with him at all. He's nice and all, a Christian too. But we differ on too many things.

Yet despite my telling [male accounting friend] if he values [this guy] as a friend (alive), he shouldn't encourage him. But the fact that [this guy] asked me out to dinner tonight at LTP tells me someone finally convinced him to get the cajones. D___.

Fortunately for me, I was able to use the excuse, "Sorry, I'm in Arkansas!" (How many times do you get to use that one?!) But next time....jeez. I'm going to have to tell him, "Nope, never going to happen."

I hate being the bearer of bad news. :(

Supervisor Struggles

I got to flex my "shift supervisor" muscles yesterday (and the past saturday now that I think about it...) for the first time and I thought a girl's head was going to explode on me.

I've been working with this girl for the past semester (we worked every Saturday together), so we've gotten to know eachother fairly well (as well as coworkers can). Despite my being a supervisor since pretty much when I started, I've never really told anyone what to do. Everyone really has a pretty good grasp on what needs to be done.

Well, the past few weeks, everytime I work, I always end up filling the beverage cooler (3 times a week) and yesterday, I really didn't feel like standing in front of the coolers for an hour. I mentioned something about them, and the girl I worked with every Saturday mentioned she had never done them before. I smiled and told her, "No time like the present! They're really not bad today compared to what we've had recently." She kinda laughed and blew me off so I left the list of pops needed by her. 5 minutes later, it came up again, and I told her she was going to do it tonight; honestly, it was the best night for her to do it--I already made the list and all she had to do was grab it from the back. She pulled a high school pout and grumbled about how she didn't know what my abbreviations were (mm.....what does MD stand for? Mountain Dew? Who knew?! Especially since I wrote it next to Diet MDew!!).

She finally did it, but not before giving me the silent treatment and pouting for the next hour. She refused to put them away though---geez girl. Is it really that big of a deal? ~sigh~ We'll keep working on it.

I gave a list of 4 things we needed to do, and asked the 3 other girls what they wanted to do. The pop girl jumped in and started delegating what each should do. Authority issues? I'm not sure. Not sure how to deal with that either...

The other girl on Saturday--I think she just doesn't know the rules. Don't eat in front of customers (taking an order with a mouth full of danish stick is not consumer friendly), no free drinks (except brewed coffee), no you can't play on the computer, no you can't bring your computer out to go on the internet, yes you need to wear your work shirt even if you're running late, yes you should brush your teeth... I really did feel bad about "getting on her case" over everything; I hate being the person who has to redirect you if you're wrong, especially several times in a row. But honestly, it's all right there in the employee policy. (And it's really not that hard to use a vacuum. She actually came up to me and asked me what to do if the vacuum won't reach the other side of the room--it came unplugged while she was vacuuming. Mmm....plug it into another outlet? There are 6 in that room....) Sometimes it's hard to give the benefit of the doubt.

All this to say, I feel like a real supervisor now cause I'm having to be the jerk on occasion.

To clarify, I've deactvated my facebook which means you won't be able to find me: I do not exist for the facebook world anymore. However, when I'm ready to come back, then all I have to do is sign in and do the whole "verify my account" thing, and everything will be back to normal. I miss facebook terribly, so I can't wait to come back, but the fact that I miss it terribly makes me hesitent. Maybe I should come back with I don't desire it so much? Otherwise I'd just fall into the same rut I was in before, and I shouldn't be there.

A dog ran through Gerdin today--quite amusing. The little beagle was chilling out in the cafe, running around to everyone, trying to beg food off people. Adorable! Apparently this older man had been following him for an hour and a half, and finally got him trapped in Gerdin so the animal control services could pick him up. Apparently the guy couldn't pick the dog up, so he just kinda followed him around. Ha! The puppy was adorable....Gerdin should get a mascot. Beagles running around everywhere.

Jeska, Erich Skelton is amazing. I cannot get enough of him. I don't know when you gave him to me, but thank you!

So I'm thinking I'm going to get a bunch of my single friends together and go out on Valentine's day. Those that are dating but significant others are overseas are allowed to come as well. :) We'll get dressed up and go somewhere to eat and have fun. We'll see how well this works though. At the very least, me and 2 of my roommates will go out.

Well, I really should go study for my two exams tomorrow. I really want to do well on these suckers. (twss)

Hmm...I have no profile picture. This should probably be changed, but I'm not sure I'll ever remember to do this.

I'm on day 3 of sans facebook and I'm surprised at how many times I have the urge to go on. I mean, I knew I was on facebook a lot, but it seems like any moment I have any downtime whatsoever, my first instinct is hit up the old addiction (that word really should be that hard to spell, but it took me 4 times to get it right--I kept getting confused with "actual"). I haven't accomplished much with all this new time, though; probably because I'm still transitioning. Maybe this will become a prolonged experiment? Two weeks instead of just one? It just might be necessary. I do miss being in touch with everyone though--I feel so detached from the world. However, this could be an internet-induced lame excuse my brain formulated to convince myself facebook really IS needed. We'll see once the screaming banshees in my head calm down. (wow, I actually spelled banshees right on the first try!)

I've given up the MIS minor in lieu of a Finance minor. The MIS minor provides no programming (which was the point of picking it up) and if I do those classes along with the minor, I might as well do the major and stay until DECEMBER 2010. Holy crap, no. Finance is close to Accounting and is a nice compliment, not to mention I already know the basics of Finance anyway (having already taken 3 years of "time value series of money" or whatever-the-crap it's called). So now I just have to pick the classes, fill out the paperwork, and officially subject myself to another semester of drudgery. Yay.

I'm taking a road trip to Arkansas this Friday-Sunday; I'm pretty excited about this despite the destination. I have never really been on a road trip or to Arkansas, so it will be, at the very least, a new experience. I'm going to tote along my portable DVD player so we have something to watch on the 8 hour drive there. The only thing I'm trying to figure out is when I will make the first leg of the trip: back to MP. Perhaps writing it all out would help sort out the jumbling options that are 2-stepping in my head. Background: we're leaving from Burlington at 10am on Friday. So my two options are coming home Thursday night or Friday morning.

• First, Shane is coming to SALT for the first time this Thursday and I really want to see him. I also wanted to take him out when he came to Ames (Jessi too). One of my favorite things to do is to go to Justin's house after SALT and hang out with family. With Shane there, the more the merrier! However, if I stay Thursday night, I will no doubt be up late and would have to leave at 6:30 to get to Burlington on time. I don't do well with getting up early and driving long distances.
• My other option is to skip SALT on Thursday and head home right after our SIFE meeting (at 6:30) and spend the night in MP, then drive to Burlington the next morning.

Clearly, option two seems like the better option: driving at optimal time, and maximum sleep (seeing as both mom and Lauren have things going on Friday morning and have to go to bed). But option one is so much more fun!! Thursdays are my favorite because of SALT and Justin's house afterwards. If you take those away, my ambition to get up Thursday morning is nearly nonexistent! Gah!! To be responsible, or to live for gratifying pleasures....(it's a tough decision!)

I've got two exams on Thursday as well and today is the only day I will be able to study. Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I'm absolutely swamped with school and work and very minimal free time. Unfortunately for me, I'm feeling highly unmotivated and am not looking forward to having several chapters to read.

Speaking of which (kinda), how do you study slides? I didn't buy the book for LSMC cause he said it was more for reference and not really needed for exams. Other than just reading through the slides over and over again, how do I study? It's kinda the same situation with Marketing...he lectures, but his notes are sporatic and hard to tie together. More like random facts and statistics (surely he wouldn't test on those?).

Anyway, time to go be utterly useless in class (aka unconscious).